American Shorts

Why Is Idiot Ice Queen Sarah Palin Going Overseas To Bash America?

September 23, 2009
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I wonder if Fox News is going to use that headline.


Former U.S. vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin, criticized for her lack of foreign policy experience, emerged in Asia on Wednesday to share her views from “Main Street U.S.A.” with a group of high-flying global investors.

She didn’t refer to President Barack Obama by name, the Wall Street Journal reported, but said she called his campaign promises “nebulous, utopian sounding… Now 10 months later, though, a lot of Americans are asking: more government? Is that the change we want?”

Some attendees were disappointed by her focus on her home state and her attacks on President Obama.

“As fund managers we want to hear about the United States as a whole, not just about Alaska,” one told AFP. “And she criticized Obama a lot but offered no solutions.”

Think Progress:

A US delegate leaving early with a colleague said: “it was awful, we couldn’t stand it any longer.”

Wall Street Journal:

Melvin Goodé, a property consultant who attended Palin’s speech, was interviewed about Palin’s speech by the Wall Street Journal. When asked how he thought she did, he “shrugged his shoulders…[and] said that she generally did all right, given that she ‘wasn’t supposed to know anything about the continent.’”

The GOP is chock full of embarrassment, but considering Sarah Palin is considered some sort of leader, even their 2012 savior, that is just so American, don’t ya know? Say it ain’t so, Joey Joe Joe.


PHONY OUTRAGE ALERT: Mark Levin’s Stupid Book Using Scary Buzzwords

September 16, 2009
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The new phony outrage coming from the right is that Mark Levin’s book, “Liberty and Tyranny,” which predictably features the troll author on the cover standing in front of a — get this! — American flag, has sold 1,000,000 copies but hasn’t been reviewed by the New York Times or the Washington Post. Therefore, these papers are liberal. (Yawn.)

From CNS News:

Despite Liberty and Tyranny’s tremendous sales and high ranking on the Times’ best seller list, the Times itself has never reviewed the book, only giving it a few blurbs in its ‘Inside the List” feature that runs in the Sunday edition.

The Washington Post has also never reviewed the book.

Here’s the problem. One of the ways the right gets their fanatical ideas out into the mainstream is through their book clubs. Right wing billionaires fund these “conservative book clubs”, buy a shit ton of books, then sell them to book club members for .50. Technically, then, the books have been sold. Then, since they’re sold, the media has to pay attention to them, no matter how goofy, stupid, and, just wrong.

Has anyone ever listened to Mark Levin? He sounds like the angriest circuis clown. Like, a total psycho path.

The Homicidal, Genocidal, Suicidal Ayn Rand: The New Right’s Hero

September 16, 2009
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Leave it up to the right wingers to find the hip, new trend in novel writing: AYN RAND!

That’s right, the most boring, narcissistic novelist of all time has been making a comeback amongst the retirees and unemployed losers who hate the guy who’s trying to get them a job.

Tim Wise breaks it down in a must-read Daily Kos diary.

Service, according to the gospel of Limbaugh, is for suckers, for society’s “losers,” for people who have committed crimes. In other words, it should be viewed as punishment rather than as something to be applauded and encouraged. To do for community is a fool’s errand.

Yet as bizarre as his words may seem at first blush, they actually illustrate with bold clarity the fundamental (and increasingly common) core of the conservative belief system. They speak to the sociopathy that is at the heart of the far-right worldview. It is a worldview that holds, quite simply, that doing for others is contemptible; that doing for self is the purpose of human life; that altruism and service are somehow pathologies pushed by collectivists and should be subordinated to selfishness and greed.

Sound too extreme? Well if so, consider this. Among the most interesting phenomena of the past year–and especially since the inauguration of Barack Obama–has been the explosion of interest in (and sales of) books by the late author, Ayn Rand: most prominently her classic novels, The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. Indeed, the latter had an all-time record year in 2008, and 2009 sales are on a pace to shatter even last year’s numbers.

According to the Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights, sales of the monstrosity “Atlas Shrugged” reached an all time high of 200,000 copies sold in 2008. Keep in mind most conservatives don’t read because they’re very busy not working and watching Glenn Beck at 5pm.

“Americans are flocking to buy and read ‘Atlas Shrugged’ because there are uncanny similarities between the plot-line of the book and the events of our day” said Yaron Brook, Executive Director at the Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights. “Americans are rightfully concerned about the economic crisis and government’s increasing intervention and attempts to control the economy. Ayn Rand understood and identified the deeper causes of the crisis we’re facing, and she offered, in ‘Atlas Shrugged,’ a principled and practical solution consistent with American values.”

Wise runs down the values of Rand:

Rand’s disdain for the bulk of humanity was, indeed, so extreme that in the aforemetioned Atlas Shrugged–whose main character and “hero” John Galt has been referenced on numerous tea party signs–she indulges a pseudo-genocidal fantasy, in which virtually everyone except Galt and his few “perfect” producers is vanquished. This happy occurrence results from a “strike of the mind,” in which Galt and his superior colleagues of industry withdraw their talents from the nation and hole up in a mountain retreat, rather than submit to things like government regulations. Those whom Galt condemns in the book, and thus, whom Rand is herself condemning, are referred to as “parasites” who are unworthy of life. Indeed, Galt’s contempt for the weak of the world prompts he and his colleagues to banish the word “give” from their small utopian “gulch.” Giving, after all, much like calls for community service, is for suckers.

He goes on to describe Ayn Rand’s literary love affair with a psychopathic real-life murderer, William Edward Hickman. Her reason:

She indeed critiqued those who would condemn Hickman’s actions for having committed “worse sins and crimes,” such as those she ascribed to his jury. Among those “greater” crimes–greater than mutilating a child–she included being, “Average, everyday, rather stupid looking citizens. Shabbily dressed, dried, worn looking little men. Fat, overdressed, very average, ‘dignified’ housewives.” Their ordinariness, in other words, placed them below Hickman, in Rand’s mind. “How can they decide the fate of that boy? Or anyone’s fate?” she implored in her Journals.

That, and his complete disregard for everyone else. That’s really good, according to Randian values.

So, here’s the thing: When rightists say they’re against Obama’s “Day Of Service” on 9/11, it’s not because he’s desicrating 9/11 (because they don’t care about 9/11; snotty New Yorkers died, remember?), it’s because they think service is socialism. Any time you do anything for anyone at any time, it’s bad because you’re not getting paid for it. And in a capitalist country, you get paid for things you do, with paper money backed by nothing besides consumer confidence, as long as that lasts.

Rush Limbaugh recently ranted against the Day of Service, saying only prisoners should have to perform service (keep in mind, no one is being required to perform anything), because it is generally a bad thing. Punishment.

Ayn Rand’s idea of serving humanity by hating humanity and her homicidal fantasies about incinerating the poor and lazy, that’s not considered weird to the Tea Patriots. That’s why, when they try to mock liberals on their internet comment boards, they don’t say “I disagree with you on said policy for said reasons,” they say, “WEN UR DONE COLLECTING WELFARE AND DRAINING THIS COUNTRY OF ITS MONEY BC YOUR LAZY COME TALK TO ME LIBTARDO!!!1”


UPDATED: No School Student Has Ever Been Beaten Up Before

September 15, 2009
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UPDATE: Gawker explains Matt Drudge’s obsession with angry black people now that we have an angry black Hitlerian in office.

Girl Scouts Now Acting As Nazi Death Squads

September 15, 2009
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In the 1930s, a man named Hitler rose to power. No one knew much about him, except that he’d come from a church with a crazy preacher, but people generally ignored it. Hitler also was fathered by a man he never knew, and his mother moved around a lot.

Later in life, Hitler wrote books about his life which involved “dreams” of his long lost “father.” Upon his rise, Hitler promised the German people things like “universal health care” and an “end” to “wars.” He also banked on the German people believing his campaign slogan: “Change.” Some wondered if Hitler were really born in Germany, asking Hitler to show his birth certificate, but Hitler said no because people who ask that question are stupid.

In addition to this, Hitler had a girlfriend named Eva Braun, which, in American, translates to “Michelle.” What makes things even stranger is that in the old testament of the Bible (which Hitler claimed to read, though everyone knew he was actually a secret Hindu), there’s a passage in which the word “Hitler” is translated to “Satan.”

People followed Hitler everywhere he went and cheered at his speeches. They held German flags. Children were mesmerized by Hitler, too. They were called Hitler Youth. There was a small group called the League of German Girls, young women who did everything Hitler told them to do.

Hitler staged a fire and blamed it on Polish communists, his enemy (even though communists and fascists are the same.) He then murdered millions and millions in the name of a world government, headed by the United Nations (which was Hitler’s plan) and spoke of being a “citizen of the world”, not a “citizen of Germany”. There were scores of patriotic Germans who protested against Hitler, correctly saying his universal health care system was going to kill their grandmothers and that he was the anti-Christ. First, those protesters were dismissed as loons. Then they were murdered by the Hitler “Hope and Change” government, and armed guards who had originally volunteered to join what was then called Stadt Jahr, or, translated for English: “City Year.” When the protesters said, no, you can’t kill us, Hitler responded with one of his campaign slogans: “Yes We Can.”


US Girl Scouts prepare for war, pestilence

The United States wants to enlist its 3.4 million Girl Scouts in the effort to combat hurricanes, pandemics, terror attacks and other disasters. The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) launched a campaign Tuesday to entice the blue, brown and green-clad multitudes to be even more prepared, with the promise of a new patch if they pitch in.

“This new preparedness patch will increase citizen preparedness and enhance our country’s readiness for disasters,” said DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano in a statement. Girl Scouts of the USA chief executive Kathy Cloninger said the tie up with Citizen Corps “provides an opportunity for our girls to lead the way in ensuring that their families and their communities are prepared for emergencies.”

But this should give you some “comfort”:

It is not the first time the girl guides have been called into action in defense of the homeland. During World War II, Girl Scouts “operated bicycle courier services, invested more than 48,000 hours in Farm Aid projects, collected fat and scrap metal, and grew Victory Gardens,” according to Girl Scouts of the USA.

It’s nice to know that the United States now has its own version of Hitler’s League of German Girls program.

This Is Wingnuts

September 15, 2009
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If only there were some sort of “panel” that had something to do with “death” or “killing” or, simply, “cutting off limbs” that took “human beings” who were “old” or “stupid” and “deserved to die” because they were “destroying” their “country” under the guise of “patriotism.”

Attacks on President’s Legitimacy: Nothing New

September 14, 2009
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Glenn Greenwald breaks it down.

To see that, just look at what that movement’s leading figures said and did during the Clinton years.  In 1994, Jesse Helms, then-Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, claimed that “just about every military man” believes Clinton is unqualified to be Commander-in-Chief and then warned/threatened him not to venture onto military bases in the South:  “Mr. Clinton better watch out if he comes down here. He better have a bodyguard.”  The Wall St. Journal called for a Special Prosecutor to investigate the possible “murder” of Vince Foster.  Clinton was relentlessly accused by leading right-wing voices of being a murderer, a serial rapist, and a drug trafficker.  Tens of millions of dollars and barrels of media ink were expended investigating “Whitewater,” a “scandal” which, to this day, virtually nobody can even define.  When Clinton tried to kill Osama bin Laden, they accused him of “wagging the dog” — trying to distract the country from the truly important matters at hand (his sex scandal).  And, of course, the GOP ultimately impeached him over that sex scandal — in the process issuing a lengthy legal brief with footnotes detailing his sex acts (cigars and sex talk), publicly speculating about (and demanding examinations of) the unique “distinguishing” spots on his penis, and using leading right-wing organs to disseminate innuendo that he had an abandoned, out-of-wedlock child.  More intense and constant attacks on a President’s “legitimacy” are difficult to imagine.

Republicans acting like children and fantasizing about the president becoming a dictator or some other such nonsense isn’t new. It’s how they operate. They’re assholes. They’re obsessed with whatever works with the public. Their strategists understand what sells: Death. Sex. Money.

During the Clinton years, they used both sex (in obvious terms) and death to scare the public. That’s why you started seeing the militia movement on the right, with both Waco and Tim McVeigh. Now, you’ve got that same militia movement making a comeback because they’re afraid Obama is going to take away their guns.

They’re mad about taxes, even though most of them are paying less taxes now than they have at most points in their lives. But they’re mad, anyway. Whatever.

And you’ve got sex. There aren’t any Obama sex rumors going around yet, but we’ll probably see something like that, soon. Drudge tried to spread rumors that Obama was having an affair with Hollywood actress Scarlett Johansson during the election. Freepers are already making slurs about the Obama daughters — just imagine when they get into the “tween” age. You’ll probably see the president linked to a white woman at some point, to bring out the racists who hate him based on principal of his birth (his mom banged a black dude). When they ask where the birth certificate is, it’s code for the legitimacy of his birth, right? It has nothing to do with “where” he was born as those who believe he was born overseas only believe so because they ignore information available through a 3-second Google search. Their real outrage has to do with “how” he was conceived — a big mean black man and a white hippie woman. That’s what’s really illegitimate to them.

Prominent Republicans made regular appearances on cable news during the 9os and spoke openly about Bill Clinton’s penis and others were so obsessed with an affair he had, they accused him of “wagging the dog” when he tried to kill bin Laden, as Greenwald writes. Then, seven years later, when they were about to lose both houses of congress, they accused the president of not doing enough to find bin Laden, which led to Clinton’s awesome outburst against loser-monger Chris Wallace.

Barack Obama has to ignore the mouth breathers who have made it mainstream comparing him to Hitler, something they comdemned constantly while the fringe left did it over the last eight years. As long as he tries to appease their sickness, they’ll never get better. They probably won’t, anyway, but at least if they’re ignored, it will leave them time to look in the mirror and realize what they are.

Dear Gail Collins: I’d Totally Do You If…Nevermind, I Wouldn’t, But I Like Your Columns

September 10, 2009
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She’s writing more about the heckling.collins-190

Let’s understand something. There’s no coverage of illegal immigrants in the health care bill. It’s not mentioned once. But, here’s the thing: A majority of Republicans believe Barack Obama is an illegal immigrant. Not just that he wasn’t “born in America,” but a full-fledged illegal immigrant.

There is no record of Barack Obama being naturalized to become a full-fledged citizen. Therefore, if you believe Barack Obama was born in Kenya, as 51% of ALL RESIDENTS in fake state Kentucky do, you believe he is part of a nefarious plot by the Kenyan government (the all-ruling Kenyan government) to install George Soros as supreme ruler of the U.N. Or something.

NY Times:

Let me go out on a limb and say that it is not a good plan to heckle the president of the United States when he’s making a speech about replacing acrimony with civility. […]

This was when Obama said illegal immigrants would not be covered by health care reform. It seemed like a pretty tame remark for so much disrespect, given all the recent uproar over the president’s alleged ability to brainwash elementary school students.

You might have expected Wilson to hold his tongue and wait to see if Obama would yell “Marxism is a good thing!” and send the commerce committee racing off to give workers control over the means of production.

Red State Declares: Obama Not A Communist, Just a Stealth Radical

September 10, 2009
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Don’t worry, everyone. Some anonymous poster at Red State knows what communists and socialists are, and dont worry, President Obama and Secretary of State Clinton aren’t communists. They’re just (along with their “minions”) incarnations of the Saul Alinsky model of stealth radicals.

Only the fact that the MSM are fellow travellers allowed Comrade Obama to reach power; he has too much of a record as a radical, too many radical associations, and has said too much, particularly in his first book, to be a true stealth communist as Alinsky envisioned one.  But, we on the right could not yell loud enough for a deaf, dumb, blind, and stupid voting public to hear what kind of person they were poised to elect.

Whew. That was close.

More Fallout From The Babies In Congress

September 10, 2009
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Is this supposed to be a oneness solidarity with the Tea Patriots or something?

(Money quote is in bold.)

Huffington Post:

When Obama told the chamber that he had “no interest in putting insurance companies out of business,” a Republican member responded with a loud, “Ha!”

“Nineteen years, never, never have I seen anything like this,” said a furious Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-Conn.) after the speech.

“I thought it was very inappropriate behavior, to hold up signs. None of us ever would have done that,” said Rep. Henry Waxman (D-Calif.). “I don’t think in the Congress of the United States there ought to be catcalls, or people standing up and yelling comments or holding up signs.”

Rep. John Dingell (D-Mich.), the longest serving member in House history, said he was not impressed by the GOP antics. “Well, you’ve got to understand: They’re Republicans. They’re just doing what comes natural,” he told HuffPost.

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