American Shorts

Fuck You, Drudge Report

January 12, 2010
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As if Harry Reid didn’t have enough problems what with his correct assumption that Barack Obama could be elected president because he had light skin and didn’t sound too black for our country of racists, now Drudge Report is openly accusing him of having had plastic surgery. His evidence? There is none. Just two photos of the senator, each with different lighting.

Asshole he is, Drudge writes (emphasis mine), “At the height of battle, fresh-faced Senate Majority Leader looks stress-free, scrubbed, smooth and 20 years younger! The dramatic new before and after photos of the 70-year old show a change you can believe in! It appears the Nevada elder is trying to keep up with the House Speaker on more than just healthcare bills…”

Maybe he had plastic surgery. I don’t know, don’t care. But, you Republicans say, IF A REPUBLICAN DID IT!!!! WHAT A HYPOCRITE!!!!

Republicans do it, too. They all get surgery. They’re ego maniacs — that’s why they’re politicians, fucks.


That Conspiracy Show…

December 11, 2009
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What a waste of time!

Jesse Ventura covered no new ground, whatsoever, and actually made himself look like a fool numerous time.

The worst thing I saw was probably his “maybe” claim that the government might be painting flammable paint all over the United States, just like they *maybe* painted the flammable material on the world trade center.


Tru TV 9/11 Truth

December 9, 2009
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Jesse Veutura is a troofer. His new show about conspiracies airs tomorrow (Wednesday) night, and he’ll be discussing 9/11 Truth. Charlie Sheen will join him (probably.)

This is likely the first time a purely sympathetic view of the 9/11 Truth goons will be aired on American television. Should be pretty crazy, huh?

I’ll recap or some shit tomorrow. Or maybe I won’t. Tune in to find out.

How about a live blog?

Just joking.

I’d rather be dead than live blog.

Or Twitter.

Is Twitter still around?

Support The Troops

December 2, 2009
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Camille Paglia: Old Lesbian Treasure

November 12, 2009
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I love Camille Paglia. camille_paglia_140x140

Okay, strike that. I Love Camille Paglia.

If she were decades younger and straight, you catch my drift? Nah, I wouldn’t. But still. Her Salon articles continue to amaze me in ways few feminist columnists can. Gail Collins may be the only other. Not Maureen Down, as she is a human molester.

Her feminist-professorism wit has no bounds, and while she only writes one column a month for Salon, she manages to get it all in there, always. Hatred of Hillary Clinton. Denying global warming. Making fun of “her” Democrats. Baselessly believing some radical conspiracy theory she heard on Rush Limbaugh — because she “respects” his opinion. She never has anything nice to say, yet everything she says is nice.


Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi scored a giant gain for feminism last weekend. In shoving her controversy-plagued healthcare reform bill to victory by a paper-thin margin, she conclusively demonstrated that a woman can be just as gritty, ruthless and arm-twisting in pursuing her agenda as anyone in the long line of fabled male speakers before her.

That’s okay. I get it. Pelosi passed that terrible bill, and yeah, she’s a chick. But here’s the kicker:

Whether or not her bill survives in the Senate is immaterial: Pelosi’s hard-won, trench-warfare win sets a new standard for U.S. women politicians and is certainly well beyond anything the posturing but ineffectual Hillary Clinton has ever achieved.

Were we talking about Hillary Clinton? At all? No. We weren’t. Nice jab, though.

Obama sure needed a lift and got it from Pelosi. The administration has seemed to be drifting lately. Obama has dithered for months about a strategy for Afghanistan — another rats’ nest we should pull our troops out of overnight. Then there was the bizarre disproportion in Obama’s flying to Denmark to flog a Chicago Olympics yet not having time to make it to Germany to celebrate the fall of the Berlin Wall — which suggests a frivolous provincialism as well as ignorance of history among the president’s principal advisors. And Obama’s muted response to last week’s massacre at Fort Hood has exposed ambiguities and uncertainties in the U.S. government and military about how to respond to homegrown militant Islam. The presidency is a heavy burden — a prize that can become a curse.

She leaves the politics at that, and does what she does so well. Talks about NPR and Madonna.

Is it true, according to press rumors, that Madonna is vacationing with her boy toy Jesus Luz in a house in Bahia in the far northeast of Brazil? And that she is contemplating buying a house there? Is she planning to take tutorials from the queen of axe, Salvador da Bahia’s very own superstar, Daniela Mercury? Well, it’s kind of what I had in mind in my epic Salon column last year negatively comparing Madonna to Daniela. As a teacher, I will certainly take credit for this leap forward, if it occurs, in Madonna’s much-delayed self-education.

The beauty of Camille Paglia is that she can hate on everyone and everything in such a polite manner. And be so, “I’m on your side” about it. And at the same time, if I saw her on the street (she apparently lives in the Philly suburbs), I’d run. She’s not someone I would ever want to mess with, and I’ve been yelled at by old lesbians before. It’s not cool.

Short story: I went to see the Queers last summer at a small bar in Philadelphia. I was alone. Sitting at the bar, waiting for the Queers to go on, a corpulent rotting human (big/old) sat two seats away. She had short hair and she wore a Queers T-shirt I believe she actually bought at the show. Where did she change? I thought. What is she even doing here, and who is she with?

So, I move over a seat. Start talking. I think we talked about the Queers new album, maybe the city of Philadelphia as a whole — I’m not really sure. I was a few in, and, yeah. Anyway.

Later on, after the first opening band, the Coyletones (who rocked), I was back at the bar and saw her sitting by herself at a table, so I sat next down. Now she was nervous. Keep in mind I’m 25 at the time. No, I’m 24. She’s got to be at least 60. Probably older. Very likely a grandmother. It was a 21+ show, so I imagined she wasn’t chaperoning her grandkids. What was she doing there? This information I sought. Other things I wanted to know: How did you even hear about the Queers? Where do you live? What sort of lifestyle does a 60+ year-old woman at a Queers show — on a Thursday — live?

She wasn’t really all about giving that information out. I was pretty drunk, too. Not too much charm. Eventually she goes, “You know what, I think that’s a little private. I’m pretty disappointed you would ask me these questions!”

So, I got up.

Later on, she was standing against a brick wall while the band played, and I blocked a couple moshers who almost crashed into her. We made eye contact and she nodded. I did too. It was still awkward.

Biden Pays Tribute To Ted Kennedy

November 12, 2009
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From Huffington Post:

Secret Service Motorcade Strikes, Kills Pedestrian

According to news reports, two cars that normally make up Vice President Biden’s motorcade were involved in a fatal accident early Wednesday morning.

The Washington Post traffic report states that the incident happened at 3:07 a.m, in Temple Hills, Md., at the intersection of Suitland Parkway and Naylor Road. (Though The Hill places the time of the crash at 2:27 a.m.). A pedestrian was struck by two Secret Service employees driving vehicles that were designated for Biden’s use. Biden was not in either vehicle at the time of the crash. The victim was rushed to the hospital but declared dead Wednesday morning. The victim’s name has not yet been released, and the incident is still under investigation. Read more details here.

They’re calling it another one of Biden’s “gaffes.”

If I had Twitter…

October 8, 2009
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My update would say this:

Is going 2 Phillies gam n’ has 2 B in prkng lot by noon – no pnt in going 2 slp now!

I dont know if you can use photos on Twitter.


Potential War With Iran?

October 2, 2009
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Um, why do I have to read this story at Fox Nation, the internet’s worst website?

Obama said Iran must grant international inspectors “unfettered” access to its newly disclosed nuclear facility within two weeks.

This shit is fucked. I mean, really? Obama might use force against Iran?

I’m not that worried because, you can tell just by the way he speaks on such matters, that he really doesn’t want to. (The main reason for that is that there’s no reason to. Case closed.)

Iran, for all its rhetoric, is a peaceful country. I realize it’s in the middle east, and the middle east is bad, but come on — what has Iran done?

All the talk about Iranians training al Qaeda — unfounded. All the shit about I’m a Dinner Jacket inciting a Holocaust or something — based on nothing. And now we’re scared they’re going to build a nuclear bomb? Think about that. “A nuclear bomb.” One.

Iran building a bomb means nothing. There are plenty of countries throughout the world with bombs. They know that if they used these bombs, their countries would cease to exist because then the United States would have a real reason — backed up by everyone — to use our own bombs.

Why isn’t this being reported on the liberal blogs, or even news sites. No talk of it on Think Progress, Huffington Post or Crooks and Liars. Something needs to be said about the priorities of those whose “guy” is in power. I mean, liberal blogs are advertising T-shirts now saying “Respect the president.” Really? Do you wear that in rotation with your Che T-shirts?

As much as the radical right has been going nuts, pushing the same conspiracies they railed against during the Bush years, the left has really gotten in line here. I’m probably at least partially guilt of that. I mean, I like the guy. I want him to do awesome. I want America to be great. And in so doing, I’ve probably blown off lots of legitimate concerns by the right — even if most of the concerns are conspiracies that have to do with an innate hatred based on…lots of things.ShahNuclearPlants

For once, I think at least, Infowars might be right.

I thought Bush and Cheney wanted war with Iran, after they released that stupid speed boat video, and Bush used to claim I’m a Dinner Jacket was ready to bomb Israel, but Obama definitely doesn’t want to. And let’s be perfectly clear here. Iran has been building nuclear reactors since the 70s — the United States actually encouraged the Shah, our puppet, to do so.

I mean, I’m sorry the elections didn’t work out over there — but in 2000, they didn’t work out here, either. Shit happens. I’m glad people protested against their government over there, but that shouldn’t be used as a potential added excuse — as it could be — to commit genocide across what is a pretty up-to-date middle eastern country. If anything, the protests are a reason not to do anything — they’re fine. They practice free speech and seem to be allowed to do so, at least on some scale.

I just “hope” Obama doesn’t go the way of LBJ with this shit.

Alan Grayson: The Newest (and only) Badass of the Democratic Congress

October 1, 2009
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I wasn’t sure about this guy when I first read of the uproar.

But he’s a total badass. If you haven’t seen it yet, watch this:

He was called onto apologize. He didn’t:

Democrats need more people like this. He’s a first-term congressman, and he’s all like, “I didn’t know this shit was so fucked before I got here. But now I do. And because of that, I’m gonna fuck you bitches up.”

Republicans aren’t sure how to deal with him, because, basically, he’s not speaking professionally. On CNN today, he called Republicans who oppose health reform, “knuckle draggers” and “neanderthals.” I mean, awesome! That’s what the fuck they are.

He can accuse other politicians of taking money from the health industry because he clearly hasn’t had enough time to do so. And he’s totally right, by the way. The Republicans have no plan. All they have are empty promises of bipartisanship through doing nothing and letting more Americans die due to lack of health care.

This is something we should all remember, and I think it might have the potential to change the debate:

According to this study, “Health Insurance and Mortality in U.S. Adults” which was published two weeks ago, 44,789 Americans die every year because they have no health insurance. That’s right, 44,789 Americans die every year, according to this Harvard study called “Health Insurance and Mortality in U.S. Adults.” You can see it by going to our website,

That is more than ten times the number of Americans who have died in the war in Iraq. It’s more than ten times the number of Americans who died in 9/11. But that was just once: this is every single year. That’s right: every single year.

More than 44,000. Why should we allow that to happen? This is the motherfucking United States, not the Soviet Union. And keep in mind the 44,000 number is just the “deaths.” We’re not talking about injuries and the loss of jobs due to time off work — or bankruptcies due to medical bills, for that matter.

It would be a great time in America if this guy, a freshman congressman from Orlando, could change the debate due to real, hard facts and numbers. However, the right has been able to change the debate several times but ignoring numbers and throwing the word “death” around as much as possible. People generally have more faith in phony outrage entertainment actors and freakshows on cable news who used to make livings haunting the wives of their shock jock rivals through threatening and insulting phone calls, making fun of things like miscarriages.

“A couple days after Kelly’s wife, Terry, had a miscarriage, Beck called her live on the air and says, ‘We hear you had a miscarriage,’ ” remembers Brad Miller, a former Y95 DJ and Clear Channel programmer. “When Terry said, ‘Yes,’ Beck proceeded to joke about how Bruce [Kelly] apparently can’t do anything right — about he can’t even have a baby.”

That’s what that’s about.

We all need to keep in mind that once the debate shifts to freakshow, it can only get more freakshow and fucked. Mindless drones and gargoyles like Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck control the debate for a certain amount of idiotic Americans who believe these cowards have something constructive to say through their acting and (in the case of Palin), it’s hard to tell what else. Bulldoggedness?

Alan Grayson even posted a blog on DailyKos. It, too, is awesome.

And now the Republicans claim they are going to introduce a resolution “disapproving” of my behavior.

What is this, junior high school?  Do they think my feelings are hurt?  Just what do these people think health care means?  It’s not some abstract “issue”, we’re talking about life and death!  And the Republicans, who ran the government in full or in part from 2001-2009, chose to let those 44,000 people die, every single year when they were in power.  And George W. Bush, whom the Republicans somehow pretend was not President for the last eight years, just let them die.  He even vetoed health care for poor children.

So apologize?  I don’t think so.

That’s fucking rockstar.

Obama Wants Olympics In America Because He Hates America

September 29, 2009
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It’s creeping up to 7am. Do you know what your phone outrage of the day is going to be?

The potential 2016 Olympics in Chicago.


To conservatives, because Barack Obama is from Chicago (and everyone knows Barack Obama is a non-American Hitler), Chicago is also not American. On top of that, Chicago represents some other terrible things. Chicago is where conservatives pretend to beleive John F. Kennedy “stole” the 1960 election (even though there were several recounts in Illinois and JFK did not need Illinois’ electoral votes to in the election). If John F. Kennedy were never elected, they believe, there would be no liberals, no Kennedy “dynasty” and no Medicare and such (because LBJ, too, would never have been president.) Unfortunately, there still would have been Vietnam (started by Eisenhower), the U.S. still would have come off the gold standard, and Kissinger would still have slaughtered millions in Cambodia.

Anyway, other people from Chicago include the ultimate blogger, Rod “Blog” – Oi! – Uh, vich? and the ultimate Hitler-Jew, Rahm Emanuel (and his evil shadowy doctor brother, Ezekiel, who wants to perform human experimentation on your grandmother and retarded babies.) These people are all terrible, and Obama sleeps with the devil.


Conservatives are pretending to believe Barack Obama has secret ambitions to get the Olympics in Chicago in 2016, his potential last year in office. And you know why he’s doing that? Think Berlin, 1938! You want me to explain further? (No.)

Charles Johnson at Little Green Footballs found this at Michelle Malkin’s phony outrage site:

On September 28th, 2009 at 2:20 pm, 24Klady said:

We can’t find out what the salaries of the czars are, and now another office funded out of a backroom with no $$ accountability. Does anyone doubt the U.S. portion of the Olympics will end up being paid for by the taxpayer, and the atheletes used for political purposes just like Berlin/1938?


On September 28th, 2009 at 2:51 pm, Tazed and Confused said:

Re: Obama shaking hands with inner-city school kids … encouraging them … .
“yea bro, you can deal crack, score a bodacious ho, and still become president … . lookatme!”

So. Drudge, who operates on misleading headlines that are phrased in such a way to get us to believe what’s “really” going on, has this up as his main headline right now:


All those people are, to the squidbillies, Obama. And if the Olympics come to Chicago (especially Obama’s Kenyan brothers and sisters who witnessed him birthed in Kenya, not Hawaii), Obama will hit us with 2x4s (or, hit OUR WALLETS with 2x4s) right after he re-creates 9/11 in some southern “real American” (see also: confederate) city in order to declare martial law.

But this is from the President Bush archives:

THE PRESIDENT: I want to thank the members of the 2016 Chicago bid to get the Olympics. Listen, Mr. Mayor, you and your committee have put together a great plan. It’s a plan that will make America proud.

They say that the Olympics will come to Chicago if we’re fortunate enough to be selected, but really it’s coming to America, and I can’t think of a better city to represent the United States than Chicago.
President George W. Bush and Chicago Mayor Richard Daley hold up a T-shirt touting Chicago 2016, during a meeting Monday, Jan. 7, 2008, with with members of the Chicago 2016 Bid Committee and the U.S. Olympic Committee. Said the President, "This country supports your bid, strongly. And our hope is that the judges will take a good look at Chicago and select Chicago for the 2016 Olympics." White House photo by Joyce N. Boghosian This is a well thought out venue. There will be — the athletes will be taken care of. People who will be coming from around the world will find this good city has got fantastic accommodations, great restaurants. It will be safe.

And so I — this country supports your bid, strongly. And our hope is that the judges will take a good look at Chicago and select Chicago for the 2016 Olympics.

Thank you all.

President Bush, I think, is in on this secret plot by Obama, somehow. But nevermind that. He wasn’t a “real conservative“, remember? Only Sarah Palin is.

Sometimes, you’ve just got to look at this shit and wonder the lengths these pundits/character actors will go to in order to work a fake story. I mean, getting the olympics to Chicago is anti-American? Why?

Actually, I’m still wondering how Obama is like Hitler. I know, they both executed a Holocaust — but I mean besides that.

The fact is this. Conservatives, as they exist today (the wingnut version) are children. Babies without a bottle. They’re so angry they’re out of power and, of all people, a black man is in power, they’re willing to forget everything they pretended to support over the last, I don’t know, 20 — 30? — years. That’s why you’ve now got conservatives calling for a pullout of the middle east, and the rest of the world. That’s why suddenly they want back on the gold standard and police are bad.

They’re willing to accept any conspiracy theory, no matter how psycho, in order to convince one more tobacco-lip-stuffing hillbilly to vote against Barack Obama in 2012 and write incoherent comments on right wing blogs. It makes you wonder: If Al Gore had been president on 9/11, how many mainstream right wingers would be Troofers?

We all supported George W. at that time for a couple reasons. First of all, he was a naive nitwit who had no idea as to what he was doing (and could have had no idea 9/11 was going to happen). We prayed he’d come around, and when crisis strikes, Americans overwhelmingly support their president (highest approval ratings ever = Roosevelt after Pearl Harbor, Truman after Roosevelt’s death, Bush after 9/11). Second of all, as a naive nitwit, we knew he’d bomb the shit out of whoever did it. Turns out, he just bombed the shit out of the guy his dad also hated so he could get re-elected in a few years. Oh well. It was a good try by us.

But back to the point: This ‘martial law’ and ‘tyranny’ talk isn’t anything new. Mainstream right wing crybabies are willing to forgo all respect when it comes to getting their power back. Remember Ann Coulter spoke on 24-news about what Bill Clinton’s penis looked like (as if she wasn’t fantasizing)? You consider he was actually impeached for banging a fat chick — they’re willing to do anything to humiliate the opposition and appease the character actors playing right wing zealots on TV and radio.


Conservatives are going to be all against the olympics for a while now. (After all, the olympics is just like the U.N…All the countries get together…One World Government…Fascism…Global “warming”…) And all this is going to somehow lead us back to the school “indoctrination” thing, and how children singing a song in school about many presidents (but putting just one part, about the “fascist” president, on YouTube) is basically the same as Mao and the Khymer Rouge because young athletes visited the White House the other day.

I hate everyone.

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