American Shorts

Facebook User: Kill Obama (Because of his policies and only his policies, not because I, and others like me, are crazy people)

September 28, 2009
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Look. Conservatives protesting against Obama ARE NOT RACIST!

Why don’t you gay-loving liberals get that through your thick skulls!

Don’t tread on me! Obama just wants to give all my hard-earned money to BLACK PEOPLE WHO DON’T WORK!!! THIS HAS NOTHING — NOTHING! — TO DO WITH RACISM!


When someone on Facebook asks, “Should Obama be killed?” and 730 people actually vote in the poll, it has nothing to do with the fact that hillbillies have all the sudden come out of the woodwork, guns loaded, irrationality in full swing.

The poll asked respondents “Should Obama be killed?” The choices: No, Maybe, Yes, and Yes if he cuts my health care.

The question was not created by Facebook, but by an independent person using an add-on application that has been suspended from the site.

“The third-party application that enabled an individual user to create the offensive poll was brought to our attention this morning,” said Barry Schnitt, Facebook’s spokesman for policy.

IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE AGAINST HIS POLICIES! (Also, white Christians are descriminated against in America.)


Census Worker Killed

September 24, 2009
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WASHINGTON — The FBI is investigating the hanging death of a U.S. Census worker near a Kentucky cemetery, and a law enforcement official told The Associated Press the word ‘fed” was scrawled on the dead man’s chest.

The body of Bill Sparkman, a 51-year-old part-time Census field worker and occasional teacher, was found Sept. 12 in a remote patch of the Daniel Boone National Forest in rural southeast Kentucky. The Census has suspended door-to-door interviews in rural Clay County, where the body was found, pending the outcome of the investigation.

ACORN members!

Inciting irrational people is awesome, Michele.

Think Progress (letter from Rep. Boehner and Cantor)

We wanted to respond to your letter to us last week and to assure you that regardless of what inside-the-beltway media writes or what unnamed “sources” it quotes, we are proud to serve with Congresswoman Michele Bachmann. […]

When the other side can’t come up with arguments to defend their policies, they turn to personal attacks against their detractors. Congresswoman Bachmann stands shoulder to shoulder with her constituents and that really seems to irk some on the left. We fully expect that despite the best attempts of the media and the liberals, Michelle will continue to be a strong voice for freedom, smaller government, and better solutions.

Judge To Birthers: Don’t Waste My Time Ever, Ever Again

September 17, 2009
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Every time I hear new news about the birther losers and, especially wigwam Orly Taitz, it reminds me of the quote from Billy Madison: “I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

Well, now a judge has basically told her just that.

Huffington Post:

U.S. District Court Judge Clay Land has thrown out a complaint questioning the president’s birth from an Army captain fighting deployment to Iraq and gave a warning to her lawyer, birther maven Orly Taitz.

From Ledger Enquirer:

Land also put attorney Orly Taitz, who represents Capt. Connie Rhodes and is a leader in the national “birther” movement, on notice by stating that she could face sanctions if she ever files a similar “frivolous” lawsuit in his court.

“(Rhodes) has presented no credible evidence and has made no reliable factual allegations to support her unsubstantiated, conclusory allegations and conjecture that President Obama is ineligible to serve as president of the United States,” Land states in his order. “Instead, she uses her complaint as a platform for spouting political rhetoric, such as her claims that the president is ‘an illegal usurper, an unlawful pretender, [and] an unqualified imposter.'” […]

In his order, Land states in a footnote that Obama defeated seven opponents in a “grueling” primary campaign that cost the contenders more than $300 million. Obama then moved on to the general election, where he faced Sen. John McCain, who Land states got $84 million to wage his campaign.

“It would appear that ample opportunity existed for discovery of evidence that would support any contention that the president was not eligible for the office he sought,” Land says.

The judge adds that Congress hasn’t started impeachment proceedings against Obama, appears satisfied that he can hold the office and has rejected the suggestion he isn’t.

Taitz, who Land says has fueled the “birther movement” with her litigation, hasn’t appeared to have won any of her claims, the judge said. Taitz pressed her agenda by filing the complaint on behalf of Rhodes, a doctor who had her final two years of medical school paid for by taxpayers, Land states.

Rhodes doesn’t want to be discharged, relieved from her two-year obligation and hasn’t previously complained about any orders she’s received, including ones since Obama took office, Land says. The judge adds that Rhodes’ “conscientious objections” to serving Obama as commander in chief can be accommodated if she isn’t deployed.

This army captain should just come out with it and say the following: “I am scared to go to war in Iraq and am using this as my excuse. After all, the war is based on nothing, for nothing, and if I don’t save face, what else do I have?”

Attacks on President’s Legitimacy: Nothing New

September 14, 2009
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Glenn Greenwald breaks it down.

To see that, just look at what that movement’s leading figures said and did during the Clinton years.  In 1994, Jesse Helms, then-Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, claimed that “just about every military man” believes Clinton is unqualified to be Commander-in-Chief and then warned/threatened him not to venture onto military bases in the South:  “Mr. Clinton better watch out if he comes down here. He better have a bodyguard.”  The Wall St. Journal called for a Special Prosecutor to investigate the possible “murder” of Vince Foster.  Clinton was relentlessly accused by leading right-wing voices of being a murderer, a serial rapist, and a drug trafficker.  Tens of millions of dollars and barrels of media ink were expended investigating “Whitewater,” a “scandal” which, to this day, virtually nobody can even define.  When Clinton tried to kill Osama bin Laden, they accused him of “wagging the dog” — trying to distract the country from the truly important matters at hand (his sex scandal).  And, of course, the GOP ultimately impeached him over that sex scandal — in the process issuing a lengthy legal brief with footnotes detailing his sex acts (cigars and sex talk), publicly speculating about (and demanding examinations of) the unique “distinguishing” spots on his penis, and using leading right-wing organs to disseminate innuendo that he had an abandoned, out-of-wedlock child.  More intense and constant attacks on a President’s “legitimacy” are difficult to imagine.

Republicans acting like children and fantasizing about the president becoming a dictator or some other such nonsense isn’t new. It’s how they operate. They’re assholes. They’re obsessed with whatever works with the public. Their strategists understand what sells: Death. Sex. Money.

During the Clinton years, they used both sex (in obvious terms) and death to scare the public. That’s why you started seeing the militia movement on the right, with both Waco and Tim McVeigh. Now, you’ve got that same militia movement making a comeback because they’re afraid Obama is going to take away their guns.

They’re mad about taxes, even though most of them are paying less taxes now than they have at most points in their lives. But they’re mad, anyway. Whatever.

And you’ve got sex. There aren’t any Obama sex rumors going around yet, but we’ll probably see something like that, soon. Drudge tried to spread rumors that Obama was having an affair with Hollywood actress Scarlett Johansson during the election. Freepers are already making slurs about the Obama daughters — just imagine when they get into the “tween” age. You’ll probably see the president linked to a white woman at some point, to bring out the racists who hate him based on principal of his birth (his mom banged a black dude). When they ask where the birth certificate is, it’s code for the legitimacy of his birth, right? It has nothing to do with “where” he was born as those who believe he was born overseas only believe so because they ignore information available through a 3-second Google search. Their real outrage has to do with “how” he was conceived — a big mean black man and a white hippie woman. That’s what’s really illegitimate to them.

Prominent Republicans made regular appearances on cable news during the 9os and spoke openly about Bill Clinton’s penis and others were so obsessed with an affair he had, they accused him of “wagging the dog” when he tried to kill bin Laden, as Greenwald writes. Then, seven years later, when they were about to lose both houses of congress, they accused the president of not doing enough to find bin Laden, which led to Clinton’s awesome outburst against loser-monger Chris Wallace.

Barack Obama has to ignore the mouth breathers who have made it mainstream comparing him to Hitler, something they comdemned constantly while the fringe left did it over the last eight years. As long as he tries to appease their sickness, they’ll never get better. They probably won’t, anyway, but at least if they’re ignored, it will leave them time to look in the mirror and realize what they are.

Charlie Sheen Pulls a Glenn Beck For 9/11 Truthers

September 11, 2009
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Charlie Sheen now has a video up on, asking President Obama to reinvestigate 9/11. Nicely. The video only shows Mr. Sheen/Estevez talking for a couple minutes toward the end. It’s mostly a series of clips shown for years in 9/11 Truth internet movies, like Loose Change, 9/11 Truth Rising and Endgame. I’ll post it below.

Sheen says, “We have questions Mr. President, lots of questions….people of the United States and the world demand the truth sir…We want our country back Mr. President, therefore I’m not just calling on you I’m calling on your team, I’m calling on each and every American citizen to wake up, stand up, and demand the truth.”

Well, there are problems. Charlie Sheen is posting this on the website of Alex Jones, a man who comes up with conspiracy theories that can neither be proven wrong or right, and makes a shit ton of money off them. In fact, Jones is a “birther,” a “deather,” and an “indoctrinator-er.” He believes Barack Obama is an illegal alien. He believes the president is an Israeli agent. He believes everything bad you could possibly believe about anyone in the government, especially the presidents, because it helps sell his videos, gets him subscribers to his website, and ratings on his radio show.

Here are screen shots of the advertisements next to Sheen’s supposed plea to have the president help him and the other Troofers:

obama ad 1obama ad 2obama ad 3

Charlie, the website you’re “pleading through” thinks the president is a fascist, a clown and part of the global elite New World Order, who, according to Jones’ movie Endgame, have special Nazi scientists that have developed technology that will help them live forever and “eliminate” 80% of humanity. I didn’t make that up.

Why the fuck would he help you, Charlie?

Oh, and another thing: Alex Jones is an anti-homosexual, anti-vaccination, climate change-denying (it’s a ploy by Al Gore to make all citizens of the world pay a “world tax” that will lead to a “world government”) nut who thinks flouride was put into the water system in order to make Americans more susceptible to “tyranny” and that City Year volunteers are being re-educated into Cultural Revolution-style Red Guards — because when I see those skinny hippies in those red jackets on the subway, heading into the ghetto to help children paint a motherfucking mural, I’m definitely thinking, “Fascist secret police.”

He calls them Obama Youth.

Sure, some shady shit went on during 9/11 and thereafter, but nothing close to what these people think. I mean, it’s fun to read this shit — that’s why I do it — but if you really believe the Bush Administration, apparently then-in cahoots with a state senator from Chicago, drove planes into those buildings with remote control joysticks and was able to secretly plant bombs in both buildings beforehand (a job that would have taken weeks), you’ve got a serious problem, and it has nothing to do with your government. It has to do with you.

Another Day, Another ‘Birth Certificate’

September 10, 2009
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This one comes from whore author Jermoe Corsi, a 9/11 Truther who believes there’s a Rockefeller-family conspiracy that secretly runs the world. He also wrote Obamanation, and was supposed to impact the election, like he supposedly did with his 2004 book about John Kerry: Unfit For Command.

Corsi staged his own arrest in Kenya last year in order to gain publicity and spread the conspiracy theory that President Obama had loyalty toward Kenya, or something. It was all based on the idea that everyone already knew Obama was going to win (no matter the Democrat, he/she was going to win) and they needed something to complain about once he was elected.

Corsi wrote in his book that Barack Obama is a drug addict. He also regularly appears on the white supremicist radio show The Political Cesspool alongside buddy David Duke.

obama birth certificate

Corsi, of course, is a birther (Nirther). He thinks he, like Orly Taitz, has finally found the real birth certificate that, once and for all, proves Barack Obama is an illegitimate black man, just like all black people, who were all born in Africa and are, therefore, not as smart or sophistocated as Jerome Corsi and his host of followers who live in trailer parks and sleep with guns underneath their pillows (and hidden in their walls, and in the glove box).

I hate to link to World Net Daily. But here you go:


“The true and correct photocopy of the birth certificate obtained is attached to this affidavit as Exhibit A,” the declaration reads. “I declare, certify, verify, state and affirm under penalty of perjury under the laws of the United States of America that the foregoing statements of fact and descriptions of circumstances and events are true and correct.” […]

The “certification of live birth” posted online and widely touted as “Obama’s birth certificate” does not in any way prove he was born in Hawaii, since the same “short-form” document is easily obtainable for children not born in Hawaii. The true “long-form” birth certificate – which includes information such as the name of the birth hospital and attending physician – is the only document that can prove Obama was born in Hawaii, but to date he has not permitted its release for public or press scrutiny.

BREAKING: Sarah Palin Sucks

September 9, 2009
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Sarah Palin is still retarded and the Murdoch media empire is still okay with publishing the rantings of a retarded person.

Wall Street Journal via Salon:

Now look at one way Mr. Obama wants to eliminate inefficiency and waste: He’s asked Congress to create an Independent Medicare Advisory Council—an unelected, largely unaccountable group of experts charged with containing Medicare costs. In an interview with the New York Times in April, the president suggested that such a group, working outside of “normal political channels,” should guide decisions regarding that “huge driver of cost . . . the chronically ill and those toward the end of their lives . . . .”

Given such statements, is it any wonder that many of the sick and elderly are concerned that the Democrats’ proposals will ultimately lead to rationing of their health care by—dare I say it—death panels? Establishment voices dismissed that phrase, but it rang true for many Americans. Working through “normal political channels,” they made themselves heard, and as a result Congress will likely reject a wrong-headed proposal to authorize end-of-life counseling in this cost-cutting context. But the fact remains that the Democrats’ proposals would still empower unelected bureaucrats to make decisions affecting life or death health-care matters. Such government overreaching is what we’ve come to expect from this administration.

Yeah, retarded. At some point, there’s no other way to put it. I don’t have anything personal against human beings born with learning disabilities, just those who gain one with age.

Glenn Beck: Watch My Show…Please

September 9, 2009
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Glenn Beck is so desperate to not get fired/get ratings that now he’s saying he’s sitting on the most important story in American history that will involve people going to jail. Seriously, he says that. He also says Barney Frank is responsible for the “Financial meltdown.”

It’s hard to watch this shit and restrain yourself from saying these fucktards are responsible for everything wrong with America. Fucktarded. Heh heh, heh.

The person that takes Fox News seriously is out of his or her fucking mind. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar.

LGF: ‘Obama’s Indoctrination of Innocent, Helpless Children’

September 8, 2009
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The more I read it, the more I realize Little Green Footballs is not a political blog. It’s a blog of rational thought. Editor Charles Johnson, who I, at one time, dismissed as another psycho Republican with lava running through his eyeball veins, actually seems like a pretty cool dude. He clearly has the best of intentions for the country — on all sides — and isn’t afraid to speak against the dumbness in his own party. He’s constantly rearing his head in places Republicans have classically dismissed as false: Evolution, Dinosaurs, Space.

I mean, Glenn Beck hates him. He’s got to be good, right?

LGF has been, since Obama’s fascist takeover election win, writing against the fringe right wing attacks on our president, and has an awesome sense of humor about the whole thing.

Some of LGF’s accomplishments:

Here’s today’s post about Obama’s “Indoctrination” speech to our public school students.

Little Green Footballs:

President Barack Obama is about to begin brainwashing America’s children, and here’s a thread to discuss the horrific implications.

Need I point out that I’m being sarcastic?

UPDATE at 9/8/09 9:45:34 am:

OK, I’m typing this on a laptop, hidden among boxes in my attic while the empty-eyed demon commie children ransack my home looking for evidence of capitalism. I managed to get into the attic right at the last minute before they broke down my door, chanting, “Smash the facades of capitalist oppression!”

I don’t know how long it will be before they rip out the connections to my Airport Extreme, so if this message ends unexpectedly, tell the people of America that I’ve found the only way to save us! The key to our salvation lies in the secret underground bu

UPDATE at 9/8/09 9:56:05 am:

I managed to escape the attic by using a spoon to cut a hole in the wall, and I made my way to a nearby library, where I’m typing this update on one of their computers. For some reason, they’re still working, and no one seems to be interested in the librar…



RedState Blog: Providing Mundane Observances

September 3, 2009
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cover_erick-erickson108Fat Republican blogger Erick Erickson (real name?) has figured it out! Though it’s only been seven months, President Obama is already a “Miserable Failure”!

Whew. I was hoping someone could figure that out for me. Thanks, Erick.


Can We Call Him a Miserable Failure Yet?

Posted by Erick Erickson (Profile)

Wednesday, September 2nd at 10:12PM EDT


This is in need of repetition.

A majority of independent voters disapprove of how Barack Obama’s handling his job as president, according to a new national poll.

Fifty-three percent of independents questioned in a CNN/Opinion Research Corporation survey released Tuesday say they disapprove of how Obama’s handling his duties in the White House, with 43 percent in approval. That result marks the first time in a CNN poll that a majority of independents give the president’s performance a thumbs-down.

What is important here are the underlying details of the polling. It is not that they don’t like Obama. And it is not that independent voters don’t think Barack Obama is leading us.

It is that independent voters think Barack Obama is leading us in the wrong direction.

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