American Shorts

Jimmy Carter: Still Correct About A Ton Of Shit

September 16, 2009
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Jimmy Carter is the man. Why won’t anyone else just say it like it is?

Huffington Post:

ATLANTA (AP) — Former President Jimmy Carter said Tuesday that U.S. Rep. Joe Wilson’s outburst to President Barack Obama during a speech to Congress last week was an act “based on racism” and rooted in fears of a black president.

“I think it’s based on racism,” Carter said at a town hall held at his presidential center in Atlanta. “There is an inherent feeling among many in this country that an African-American should not be president.”

The Georgia Democrat said the outburst was a part of a disturbing trend directed at the president that has included demonstrators equating Obama to Nazi leaders.

“Those kind of things are not just casual outcomes of a sincere debate on whether we should have a national program on health care,” he said. “It’s deeper than that.”

Related: The Onion: I Got What America Needs Right Here

So you want me to run for president again? Yeah, sure, absolutely, I’ll do it. I’d be honored to do it—with my fucking dick in your mouth, you worthless scumbags.

You had your chance with Jimmy Carter, and you fucking blew it. So get fucked. Fucking country.


Three Tours That Will Kick Ass

September 15, 2009
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You should go.

Dinosaur Jr, on tour now:

Coming to Philadelphia October 9; TLA

Sea Wolf, on tour now:

Coming to Philadelphia October 17; North Star

Sunset Rubdown, on tour now:

Coming to New York October 16; Manhattan Grand Center Ballroom

Sounds like Tegan and the trusty Sara aren’t doing a U.S. tour, at least not in the fall. What gives, my favorite fair skinned lesbians?

This Modern World

September 11, 2009
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Tom Tomorrow gets it right again and again.

From Salon:


Cocktail Socialism

September 9, 2009
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Anthony Weiner, a congressman representing New York’s ninth district is a socialist when it comes to health care reform.

Thank G/o/d.

We need more socialist voices speaking the truth about what we really need: a single-payer system. Weiner has a really good piece on Huffington Post about the need for a single-payer Medicare for all type system.

Huffington Post:

We’ve been reluctant to tackle the real inefficiency in the current system, namely, the very presence of the private insurance companies. Too many in Washington would rather stay friends with the insurance and drug companies when real reform probably can’t be achieved in a way that makes these powerful institutions happy.

That’s not to say we should vilify the industry. When they pocket up to 30% in profits and overhead (compared to 4% for Medicare) or when their executives take multimillion dollar salaries, insurance companies are doing what their shareholders want them to do.

But let’s leave it to the Republicans to defend those actions. I, and most Democrats, should not join the chorus that sounds like we care more about insurance companies than taxpayers.

The same is true for Big Pharma. If Wal-Mart can pool its customers to be able to offer the $4 prescriptions, why shouldn’t the federal government drive the same hard bargain on behalf of the tax payers so they too get the best prices under Medicare? I pose this exact question at every town hall meeting I attend and if my colleagues and the President did the same on Wednesday night, they would mix good policy with good politics. Instead we have watched a puzzling dance as policymakers have effectively limited the savings we would find in the enormous drug expenditures that are a fixture in our current system. Is it any wonder citizens are confused?

Swedish Taxes Go Toward Porn; Awesome

September 9, 2009
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Heh, heh heh, heh heh…

Thursday September 3rd sees the premiere of Mia Engberg’s ‘Dirty diaries’, a feminist porn movie funded by the Swedish Film Institute. Engberg received 500,000 kronor ($69,000) from the Institute to make the movie.

Engberg has also tried to make feminist porn before, which has resulted in a lesbian porn film and a film of women’s’ facial expressions at the point of orgasm. Her vision is to get make the porn industry more appealing to women, all in the name of feminism. She also claims that women’s sexuality is more multi-faceted than men’s.

But to argue that girls having sex with girls and women masturbating is somehow a good alternative to mainstream porn feels like a completely alien concept to me, and to many other women. Furthermore, most people would agree that the state should not fund pornography. And when it does, should it really only benefit women, all in the name of equality? If a man had sought and received similar funding for ‘regular’ porn, it wouldn’t have taken long before there was an outcry from supporters of equality between the sexes.

Philebrity on Obama Indoctrination

September 8, 2009
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Some more on the Communist takeover of American schoolchildren’s minds. The horror.


Nobody turned Kenyan or killed all the old people off or suddenly became part of the liberal complainosphere, demanding Commie health care. Rather, it was a sweet, stage-y exchange, not unlike the one George W. Bush was giving when the planes flew into the towers. Only this time, that didn’t happen. Pretty amazing, really.

I don’t particularly care for this site, mostly because I get the feeling the people who write for it are assholes, not unlike myself. But still. This was pretty funny.

LGF: ‘Obama’s Indoctrination of Innocent, Helpless Children’

September 8, 2009
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The more I read it, the more I realize Little Green Footballs is not a political blog. It’s a blog of rational thought. Editor Charles Johnson, who I, at one time, dismissed as another psycho Republican with lava running through his eyeball veins, actually seems like a pretty cool dude. He clearly has the best of intentions for the country — on all sides — and isn’t afraid to speak against the dumbness in his own party. He’s constantly rearing his head in places Republicans have classically dismissed as false: Evolution, Dinosaurs, Space.

I mean, Glenn Beck hates him. He’s got to be good, right?

LGF has been, since Obama’s fascist takeover election win, writing against the fringe right wing attacks on our president, and has an awesome sense of humor about the whole thing.

Some of LGF’s accomplishments:

Here’s today’s post about Obama’s “Indoctrination” speech to our public school students.

Little Green Footballs:

President Barack Obama is about to begin brainwashing America’s children, and here’s a thread to discuss the horrific implications.

Need I point out that I’m being sarcastic?

UPDATE at 9/8/09 9:45:34 am:

OK, I’m typing this on a laptop, hidden among boxes in my attic while the empty-eyed demon commie children ransack my home looking for evidence of capitalism. I managed to get into the attic right at the last minute before they broke down my door, chanting, “Smash the facades of capitalist oppression!”

I don’t know how long it will be before they rip out the connections to my Airport Extreme, so if this message ends unexpectedly, tell the people of America that I’ve found the only way to save us! The key to our salvation lies in the secret underground bu

UPDATE at 9/8/09 9:56:05 am:

I managed to escape the attic by using a spoon to cut a hole in the wall, and I made my way to a nearby library, where I’m typing this update on one of their computers. For some reason, they’re still working, and no one seems to be interested in the librar…



Carter: Still Doing Good Things

September 7, 2009
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Jimmy Carter is promising more peace in the Middle East. This guy just doesn’t quit.

Washington Post:

A majority of the Palestinian leaders with whom we met are seriously considering acceptance of one state, between the Jordan River and the Mediterranean Sea. By renouncing the dream of an independent Palestine, they would become fellow citizens with their Jewish neighbors and then demand equal rights within a democracy. In this nonviolent civil rights struggle, their examples would be Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr. and Nelson Mandela.

A one state solution? Stranger things have happened.

God bless you, old man.

The Onion:


Oh, what’s that I hear? The weather’s all screwy? You got a global warming problem? Boo-fucking-hoo! I was telling you morons to turn off your lights and unplug all your shit at night to conserve energy in 19-fuckin‘-75, for chrissake. Gee, I wonder what woulda happened if we’d all switched to solar power like I fucking did back when we had a fucking chance to do something about it. Think we’d still be sucking Saudi Arabia’s dick like a five-dollar whore? I sure as fuck didn’t get no fancy Oscar for that little spiel, though, did I? No. But Al Gore, that cum-sucking pig, steals the shit from me and now he’s the greatest thing since Jesus Christ made a fucking sandwich.

Well, he can lick my asshole right after George W. Bush, that fuck.

You want compassion? Somebody who’s looking out for the little guy? Why don’t you take a look at Jimmy Carter, ’cause unlike, oh, every motherfucking candidate out there, he spent the last fucking quarter-century building houses for the homeless. And what does he get for it? A fucking hernia. Some fucking gratitude, you selfish twats. You talk to me about compassion? I’ll shove a crucifix so far up the Democrats’ asses they’ll be asking me to buy them dinner and kiss them good night.

Funny thing about me: I actually fucking know shit! Not like these goombas trying to weasel their way into the White House. I practically wrote the book on collapsing bridges, inflation, and the working poor, fuck-o. I even got a degree in nuclear engineering or some shit. You know how easy I could swoop down right now like a guardian angel and solve all your fucking problems? Snap. Bam. Do it in my fucking sleep. Just fucking try me.

So you want me to run for president again? Yeah, sure, absolutely, I’ll do it. I’d be honored to do it—with my fucking dick in your mouth, you worthless scumbags.