American Shorts

People Evolved. No They Didn’t.

August 31, 2009
Leave a Comment


Certain people, I think, are more interested in playing into their own stereotype than accomplishing anything. At all.

Missouri Students created a T-shirt for the school showing the silhouettes of a monkey slowly becoming homo erectus. Psychopathic parents. That’s a banning.

From Think Progress:

“I was disappointed with the image on the shirt,” said Sherry Melby, a band parent who teaches in the district. “I don’t think evolution should be associated with our school.” Assistant superintendent Brad Pollitt explained that the t-shirts were banned because they were imposing on religious views:

Though the shirts don’t violate the school’s dress code, Pollitt noted that the district is required by law to remain neutral on religion.

They consider it religion.


It’s The Right’s Right To Use 9/11 For Scare Purporses

August 31, 2009
Leave a Comment


American Spectator/Fox Nation:

The plan is to turn a “day of fear” that helps Republicans into a day of activism called the National Day of Service that helps the left. In other words, nihilistic liberals are planning to drain 9/11 of all meaning.

They’re mad at Obama because he intends to encourage Americans to spend 9/11 helping each other. And we all know, Helping people (if a profit is not involved) = COMMUNISM!!!

The right turned 9/11 into a day that we cower into corners and give George Bush all authority to bomb whoever the fuck he wants. Everyone knows that. STOP TRYING TO FUNDAMENTALLY CHANGE AMERICA, HUSSEIN OBAMA!!!11!

This Is What 9/11 Truthers Believe

August 31, 2009
Leave a Comment

From OpEdNews/Wikipedia:

At some point, this family mated with lizards from outer space (specifically the star system Alpha Draconis) to create a race of super beings. They maintain their control through fear and negative emotion, which along with blood, is their food. They achieve their control by manufacturing wars. Icke says on his website, “The parahuman Serpent People of the past are still among us. They were probably worshipped by the builders of Stonehenge and the forgotten ridge-making cultures of South America.” These beings, “reptilian humanoids,” often “shape shift.” Supposed evidence of this is often documented on slow-motion YouTube videos posted by others who believe the conspiracy. These videos show prominent faces morphing and changing eye color. Famous humanoids include, but are not limited to: The Bushes, the Clintons, the Kennedys, Barack Obama, and the late Princess Diana, who reportedly told her confidant Christine Fitzgerald (according to Ms. Fitzgerald) that the British Royal family are reptilian aliens and could shapeshift. Icke claims the “global elites” and humanoids have begun and funded world atrocities such as The Holocaust, The Oklahoma City Bombing, and 9/11.

And, for the record, one of the main purveyors of these conspiracies is Alex Jones, now loved by conservatives (and featured regularly on Fox News) because of his hatred for Obama. Yeah.

I’m Not Givin’ Up Social Security For Socialism!

August 28, 2009
Leave a Comment

To quote the brilliant 80s/90s punk band Screeching Weasel: “My brain hurts.”

It’s Michelle Bachmann, again.

From Think Progress:

At times tempers flared at the forum, with constituents shouting at one another.

LeRoy Schaffer, a St. Francis city council member, dressed in a tuxedo and top hat for the occasion. Shaffer got visibly emotional asking Bachmann about the future of health care and the role of special interests in Washington.

“I’ll be danged if I am going to give up my Social Security because of socialism,” Schaffer said, before being booed by the crowd.

If nothing else, the summer of ’09 will be known as the summer when everyone finally realized how truly stupid America is, and how the people who influenced the debate were the ones who, quite literally, knew nothing of it. This is Your Dumbest Generation.

Idaho: Hunt The Black

August 28, 2009
Leave a Comment


We all know how manly it is to go into the woods with another dude, wear a combination of camouflage and neon orange, drink beers, sleep under the stars, wake up, compare penis size, and kill animals with guns.

Rex Rammell is running for governor of Idaho in 2010.

From Huffington Post:

When an audience member shouted a question about “Obama tags,” Rammell responded, “The Obama tags? We’d buy some of those.” …

Rammell told The Associated Press Thursday he sees no reason to apologize for the comment because it was just a joke.

“What I would say to all my Democrat Idahoans: Take a deep breath and relax,” he said. “We’re not going to go out and hunt Obama.”

He also told the Times-News newspaper, “I would never support him being assassinated.”

Whew. That was close. Good thing he would never support an assassination. But, I mean, if it happened…right?

The Right <3 Ted Kennedy

August 27, 2009
Leave a Comment


This is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a while. It’s sort of like a caricature of right wing nuttery (although most right wing writing/talking is a caricature of right wing nuttery.)

It’s Alexander’s August 27 Essay at The Patriot Post. (Yup, they’re “Patriots.”) It’s a supposed memorial to Ted Kennedy, and predictably hits all the spots (Mary Jo, liberalism, Ted Kennedy born into wealth) but certain lines are just…you’ll see.

The article goes into buffoonery and conspiracist talk quick. Take this:

Ted, like his brother John, developed a reputation as a serial womanizer in college. Unlike his Ivy League brothers, however, Ted was kicked out of Harvard for cheating, though allowed to return a few years later to complete his undergraduate degree.

A SERIAL WOMANIZER. Is that a foreshadow of a potential RAPE that occurred sometime in 1991? A car crash and murder in 1969 (that was going to involve a rape)? Who knows? Let’s read on.

Thanks to some election-night manipulation of returns by Old Joe, JFK was elected president in the closest race of the 20th century (49.7 percent to Richard Nixon’s 49.5 percent). That paved the way for TK’s victory in a 1962 U.S. Senate special election in Massachusetts.

Yep. The right wing conspiracy that JFK stole the election after some Illinois electioneering. Unfortunately, no right wing gasbag has ever mentioned that JFK had enough votes in the electoral college to win handily anyway. HE DIDN’T HAVE TO STEAL ILLINOIS IN ORDER TO WIN.

Moving on.

On the night of 18 July, Kennedy left a party with an attractive young intern en route to a private secluded beach on the far side of Dike Bridge. Kennedy lost control on the single-lane bridge and his vehicle overturned in the shallow tidal water. (Note: I drove across this bridge in a large 4×4 truck a few years after this incident, and it was not difficult to keep it out of the water — but then, I was not intoxicated.)

Okay. So she was attractive. HE MUST HAVE RAPED HER. Private secluded beach? RAPE.

But don’t worry, folks, this writer drove across the bridge once, heh heh, and he wasn’t, heh heh, drunk, heh heh.

With his cadre of traitorous leftists at his side, Kennedy claimed, “The Bush administration misrepresented and distorted the intelligence to justify a war that America should never have fought.”

Still justifying the Iraq War and calling those opposed from the outset traitors? Good luck. (Can you imagine people are still justifying the Iraq War? Iraq!)

And this is my favorite line:

In 1987, President Ronald Reagan nominated an exceptional jurist, Robert Bork, to the Supreme Court. During Bork’s confirmation hearings, Kennedy proclaimed, “Robert Bork’s America is a land in which women would be forced into back-alley abortions, blacks would sit at segregated lunch counters, rogue police could break down citizens’ doors in midnight raids, schoolchildren could not be taught about evolution, writers and artists could be censored at the whim of the Government, and the doors of the Federal courts would be shut on the fingers of millions of citizens.” Despicable.

He says “Despicable.” Oh man.

But, I guess any publication that includes the word “Patriot” in its name is going to be full of adult infants, anyway.

“Proud Right Wing Terrorist”

August 27, 2009
Leave a Comment

Proud “Right Wing Terrorists”:

  • Tim McVeigh
  • Osama bin Laden
  • Scott Roeder
  • Abdel Baset al-Megrahi
  • Ayman Muhammad Rabaie alZawahiri
  • This asshole:

He’s also a birther. It’s hard to believe the birther movement has gained such traction, considering believers can put their paranoia to rest with a 3-second internet search.


And what’s with the senator? Applauding this ornament to inchoate stupidity?

And one more thing. What’s with Republicans calling Obama the “king” and “the one”? No Democrat has ever said that. They just made it up out of thin air and knew their minions of radio listening shut-ins would repeat it.

I mean, I know these people don’t operate on rationality, and most of them are relatively old, confused, and pissed off they’ve never had a purpose (too young for World War II/Korea, too old for Vietnam), but seriously, how could anyone be so fucking stupid?

This Is What Wingnuts Believe

August 26, 2009
Leave a Comment

It sucks that Barack Obama promised to work with both sides of the aisle, especially since one side of the aisle thinks God has a plan for congress, or something.

For the most part, they also believe Glenn Beck.

A couple weeks ago, Republican Congressman Bob Inglis (R-SC) actually showed some rationality when he told some Glenn Beck freaks: “Turn that television off when he comes on.” Bravo, Congressman.

This is Your Glenn Beck:


Dead Kennedy

August 26, 2009
Leave a Comment

Ted Kennedy is dead. Unfortunate, but inevitable.

From YouTube:

Michelle Bachman Gets Paid By You

August 25, 2009
Leave a Comment

Michelle Bachman has to wake up every day knowing who she is. We have to wake up every day knowing we pay her salaryB001256

Minnesota Independent:

“We all need to consider that in God’s timing that he may have allowed us, as members of Congress, to be in the position that we’re in just for this specific issue right now,” she said.

“Everything that all of us have worked together and labored for over the years, all of it could be undermined with this one bill. President Obama realizes that. The radicals that are on the pro-abortion left, they realize that. They could win it all. And the unborn, and the vulnerable, the disabled and those at the end of life could lose it it all.”

“That’s really where this battle will be won — on our knees in prayer and fasting,” she told the listeners. “Remember: faith without works is dead. So we’re asking you to do all of it: pray, fast, believe, trust the Lord, but also act.”

It should be noted that somewhat unreported news came out this week in which it was found that Tom Ridge and the DHS raised the infantile terror alerts through 2005 in order to keep Bush’s approval rating up.

We don’t learn. They get what they want by appealing to the side of us that’s scared of death.

Next Page »