American Shorts

Infowars Psychotic Roundup

September 30, 2009
Leave a Comment

This picture was on Infowars. It’s pretty funny.

selfportThese headlines are on Inforwars. They’re also really, really funny:

Liberals and Democrats will support the coming mass murder campaign against Iran

Kurt Nimmo writes how the U.S. is going to slaughter Iran for false reasons the same way we did to Yugoslavia in the 90s with liberals pretending to believe it’s a human rights venture. Okay. I can see that.

Minnesota County Conducts “Operation Big Shot” Mass Vaccination Drill

Kurt Nimmo again. This time, he talks about how Ramsey County officials are going to force the H1N1 vaccine on their county as an experiment against the American people. Infowars is generally anti-vaccination. They think it’s for mind control, or something.

Paramilitary Force To Boss Internment Camp In Montana

I knew there was some shady police force that was going to begin guarding this prison in Montana, because they might switch the torture sites at Guantanamo Bay to this place. This article is about how the prison is actually — like FEMA camps — an experiment to imprison all Americans, for one reason or another, and then, like, New World Order (?)

This is the best line in the article:

Since a majority of the American people have now been designated as potential domestic terrorists by the federal government, fears are growing that the prison camp will be used to incarcerate citizens against their will during a flu pandemic or any other declared emergency.

“A majority” of Americans! Ha! Priceless!

Here’s a couple questions about the New World Order thing. Let’s say the Skull and Bones reptilian humanoids actually do wipe our humanity. Then what? There will be about 100 people left on earth. What are they going to do with each other? Will they keep really hot chicks alive to bang them? Because last time I looked, German Chancellor Merkel wasn’t exactly a looker. I mean, what’s the point of wiping out humanity? Who will they rule over? How will they fill their days? What will they eat?

I want an answer.


Facebook User: Kill Obama (Because of his policies and only his policies, not because I, and others like me, are crazy people)

September 28, 2009
Leave a Comment

Look. Conservatives protesting against Obama ARE NOT RACIST!

Why don’t you gay-loving liberals get that through your thick skulls!

Don’t tread on me! Obama just wants to give all my hard-earned money to BLACK PEOPLE WHO DON’T WORK!!! THIS HAS NOTHING — NOTHING! — TO DO WITH RACISM!

original

When someone on Facebook asks, “Should Obama be killed?” and 730 people actually vote in the poll, it has nothing to do with the fact that hillbillies have all the sudden come out of the woodwork, guns loaded, irrationality in full swing.

The poll asked respondents “Should Obama be killed?” The choices: No, Maybe, Yes, and Yes if he cuts my health care.

The question was not created by Facebook, but by an independent person using an add-on application that has been suspended from the site.

“The third-party application that enabled an individual user to create the offensive poll was brought to our attention this morning,” said Barry Schnitt, Facebook’s spokesman for policy.

IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE AGAINST HIS POLICIES! (Also, white Christians are descriminated against in America.)


Census Worker Killed

September 24, 2009
Leave a Comment

r-CENSUS-HANGING-huge

AP/Huffpost:

WASHINGTON — The FBI is investigating the hanging death of a U.S. Census worker near a Kentucky cemetery, and a law enforcement official told The Associated Press the word ‘fed” was scrawled on the dead man’s chest.

The body of Bill Sparkman, a 51-year-old part-time Census field worker and occasional teacher, was found Sept. 12 in a remote patch of the Daniel Boone National Forest in rural southeast Kentucky. The Census has suspended door-to-door interviews in rural Clay County, where the body was found, pending the outcome of the investigation.

ACORN members!

Inciting irrational people is awesome, Michele.

Think Progress (letter from Rep. Boehner and Cantor)

We wanted to respond to your letter to us last week and to assure you that regardless of what inside-the-beltway media writes or what unnamed “sources” it quotes, we are proud to serve with Congresswoman Michele Bachmann. […]

When the other side can’t come up with arguments to defend their policies, they turn to personal attacks against their detractors. Congresswoman Bachmann stands shoulder to shoulder with her constituents and that really seems to irk some on the left. We fully expect that despite the best attempts of the media and the liberals, Michelle will continue to be a strong voice for freedom, smaller government, and better solutions.


Why Is Idiot Ice Queen Sarah Palin Going Overseas To Bash America?

September 23, 2009
Leave a Comment

sarah-palin-01

I wonder if Fox News is going to use that headline.

AP/HuffPost:

Former U.S. vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin, criticized for her lack of foreign policy experience, emerged in Asia on Wednesday to share her views from “Main Street U.S.A.” with a group of high-flying global investors.

She didn’t refer to President Barack Obama by name, the Wall Street Journal reported, but said she called his campaign promises “nebulous, utopian sounding… Now 10 months later, though, a lot of Americans are asking: more government? Is that the change we want?”

Some attendees were disappointed by her focus on her home state and her attacks on President Obama.

“As fund managers we want to hear about the United States as a whole, not just about Alaska,” one told AFP. “And she criticized Obama a lot but offered no solutions.”

Think Progress:

A US delegate leaving early with a colleague said: “it was awful, we couldn’t stand it any longer.”

Wall Street Journal:

Melvin Goodé, a property consultant who attended Palin’s speech, was interviewed about Palin’s speech by the Wall Street Journal. When asked how he thought she did, he “shrugged his shoulders…[and] said that she generally did all right, given that she ‘wasn’t supposed to know anything about the continent.’”

The GOP is chock full of embarrassment, but considering Sarah Palin is considered some sort of leader, even their 2012 savior, that is just so American, don’t ya know? Say it ain’t so, Joey Joe Joe.


Right Wing Blogger Fantasizes About Beating Up Black Children In DC

September 18, 2009
1 Comment

This is just hilarious.

Okay, set the scene:

Dan Reihl is some loser blogger (like me !) He was at the Tea Patriot March of the Retards on September 12, along with other white, retired losers from all over the country, protesting against Obama’s daily meetings with Satan.

So, he posted this blog about being on a train after the protest, and — look out! — BLACK KIDS got on. He posted about it.

Riding out of DC on the Metro, 9/12, there were some folks from South Dakota and also another Mid-West state I can’t recall in the same Metro car. We were talking, nothing special, really – politics, of course.

In the back were maybe ten or so black kids taking up that section of the car. There was no confrontation, just one or two of them talking loudly enough to make sure they’d be heard.

Without resorting to the poor diction it was along the lines of, these are the people who think Obama is the anti-Christ. That McCain he wasn’t chit. Obama’s going to be president as long as he wants, so these people better get used to it, etc. It went on but not really to a level that was so loud, or so confrontational that it needed to be addressed.

We just ignored them without much trouble at all.

Yeah, they were technically thugs. But the reality was they were still wannabes really, pretty young, not that big, or many. And if the several adults there for 9/12 actually needed to do something about it, the kids wouldn’t have lasted very long. Maybe if they were bigger, or more numerous, it might have been worse. Or it may not have happened at all. Who knows?

Dan, some things you just keep to yourself.

Charles Johnson at LGF had a hilarious take on the whole thing:

Now there’s true courage. If those black kids had tried something, Dan Riehl was ready. Man, he would have shown them.

Of course, they didn’t try anything. But the potential for serious violence was in the air! He could tell by their “poor diction.”

Oh no. That’s not racist at all.

I think Gawker was correct when they equated Glenn Beck to a terrorist and his minions of gullibles to al Qaeda in America. Yeah, that was true. But here’s another thing. It’s very clear from Dan’s blog that he rarely encounters black people. Imagine what it was like for him to wake up on November 5, realizing a black person was president. He and the Tea Patriots must have shit themselves. He’s still of the mindset that because these kids were sarcastically making fun of he and his Dakotans, they were a) “thugs” and b) ready to fight.

I mean, really?

That’s why you see these all-cap internet commenters, who are generally 10-20 years behind everyone else, rant on boards about how all Democrats are on welfare and want handouts — they just don’t know any better. That’s why Joe The Plumber is their hero, or something. He was an unemployed loser who had aspirations of being a rich guy through “hard work.” But, clearly, that never happened. Joe The Plumber was actually more concerned with telling his life story to a ghost writer and posing for a picture in front of an American flag than “hard work.” I mean, God bless him, he’s one of the people Glenn Beck talks about when he fools his audience into thinking they would all be rich if the Democrats would just stop with the taxes. Joe actually got rich by doing what Beck’s audience does: Nothing.

What’s also interesting is what follows in Reihl’s blog:

But what’s unfortunately becoming increasingly clear is that, for the people who thought Obama’s election would make America post-racial? I’m afraid you’re wrong. Some of the potential racial narratives that may still play out during his presidency might not be that pretty at all.

Okay, first of all, no one thought Obama’s election was going to make America “post-racial.” Post-racial is not possible as long as there are still people alive who lived through a “racial” time. There are still people living who tea-bagged against black students integrating into Arkansas schools. There are still veterans who served in a divided military, in which black soldiers were shipped to Europe and Japan at the bottom of ships while the white soldiers rode at the top. Shit, Rosa Parks just died three years ago.

It’s going to take decades before we’re anything close to “post-racial”, but that’s besides the point.

When was the last time a president-elect was blamed for a recession?

When was the last time a president was believed to be the actual anti-Christ by over 30 percent of Republicans living in a blue state (where, supposedly, Republicans are more moderate)?

When was the last time a president’s birth place was debated?

I mean, Fox News and their ilk pretend to believe white Christians are prosecuted in America, which is close to the dumbest thing ever said by anyone, ever.

We’re not further away from being “post-racial” because of anything Barack Obama did. We’re further from post-raciality because of the Tea Patriots and their conspiracy theories that could be — if they were willing to perceive being wrong — proven wrong with a 3-second internet search.

That’s my biggest problem. It takes 3 seconds. Type “Barack Obama birth certificate” into Google. Just do it. Go to any number of debunking websites. There are photos of people from the Annenberg Foundation in Hawaii, holding the birth certificate with their hands. But, yeah — they’re part of the conspiracy, right?

We can’t be post racial as long as ignorance is celebrated. And because of people like Dan Reihl and the Tea Patriots, it is.


Judge To Birthers: Don’t Waste My Time Ever, Ever Again

September 17, 2009
1 Comment

orly-taitz_0195as-not-cropped

Every time I hear new news about the birther losers and, especially wigwam Orly Taitz, it reminds me of the quote from Billy Madison: “I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

Well, now a judge has basically told her just that.

Huffington Post:

U.S. District Court Judge Clay Land has thrown out a complaint questioning the president’s birth from an Army captain fighting deployment to Iraq and gave a warning to her lawyer, birther maven Orly Taitz.

From Ledger Enquirer:

Land also put attorney Orly Taitz, who represents Capt. Connie Rhodes and is a leader in the national “birther” movement, on notice by stating that she could face sanctions if she ever files a similar “frivolous” lawsuit in his court.

“(Rhodes) has presented no credible evidence and has made no reliable factual allegations to support her unsubstantiated, conclusory allegations and conjecture that President Obama is ineligible to serve as president of the United States,” Land states in his order. “Instead, she uses her complaint as a platform for spouting political rhetoric, such as her claims that the president is ‘an illegal usurper, an unlawful pretender, [and] an unqualified imposter.'” […]

In his order, Land states in a footnote that Obama defeated seven opponents in a “grueling” primary campaign that cost the contenders more than $300 million. Obama then moved on to the general election, where he faced Sen. John McCain, who Land states got $84 million to wage his campaign.

“It would appear that ample opportunity existed for discovery of evidence that would support any contention that the president was not eligible for the office he sought,” Land says.

The judge adds that Congress hasn’t started impeachment proceedings against Obama, appears satisfied that he can hold the office and has rejected the suggestion he isn’t.

Taitz, who Land says has fueled the “birther movement” with her litigation, hasn’t appeared to have won any of her claims, the judge said. Taitz pressed her agenda by filing the complaint on behalf of Rhodes, a doctor who had her final two years of medical school paid for by taxpayers, Land states.

Rhodes doesn’t want to be discharged, relieved from her two-year obligation and hasn’t previously complained about any orders she’s received, including ones since Obama took office, Land says. The judge adds that Rhodes’ “conscientious objections” to serving Obama as commander in chief can be accommodated if she isn’t deployed.

This army captain should just come out with it and say the following: “I am scared to go to war in Iraq and am using this as my excuse. After all, the war is based on nothing, for nothing, and if I don’t save face, what else do I have?”


Ted Nugent: Columnist

September 16, 2009
Leave a Comment

lovegrenadespecial

Sometimes I read things and I think, what was I supposed to get out of that? Does anyone reading this think there was anything constructive in here?

Given, what I’m about to lay upon you is written by Ted Nugent, best known for one good song in the 70s, or something, and saying he was going to shove a gun up Hillary Clinton’s ass. In his newest column, he dislikes Michael Moore and his newest documentary, “Capitalism: A Love Story”:

No one I know will be giving Mikey any money to further encourage his Three Stooges logic and anti-American ideologies by paying to see this nonsense.  Actually, no one I know would be dumb enough to sit through it. (Ok, some people I know would, but they all work for NBC or the New York Times.)

HAHAHA! The New York Times and NBC are liberal so they are dumb enough to sit through Michael Moore’s movie! Who does Ted Nugent know who works for these companies?

What Moore and his idol, President Obama, fail to understand is that soaking the rich with higher taxes ultimately equates to middle class jobs disappearing, the very Americans ol’ Mikey claims to care about.  One of these days the economic numbskulls amongst us will figure that out.  If not, they will go through life feeding on table scraps instead of steak.

What?

Ultimately, those who rail against capitalism are people who claim they need to be babysat, bailed out and subsidized. They are either uneducated, ignorant, unskilled, scared or — for any number of reasons — fatalists accepting to be ill equipped to compete in the economic arena where the entrepreneurial dust is swirling and the sweat of excellence is flying unabated.

Instead of complimenting those who do compete in the economic arena, Moore, Obama and others of their ilk condemn and chastise the entrepreneurs instead of complimenting them. Mikey is czar of Bizzarro world.

So, yeah. Ted Nugent.

Sorry.


The Homicidal, Genocidal, Suicidal Ayn Rand: The New Right’s Hero

September 16, 2009
Leave a Comment

ayn_rand_stamp

Leave it up to the right wingers to find the hip, new trend in novel writing: AYN RAND!

That’s right, the most boring, narcissistic novelist of all time has been making a comeback amongst the retirees and unemployed losers who hate the guy who’s trying to get them a job.

Tim Wise breaks it down in a must-read Daily Kos diary.

Service, according to the gospel of Limbaugh, is for suckers, for society’s “losers,” for people who have committed crimes. In other words, it should be viewed as punishment rather than as something to be applauded and encouraged. To do for community is a fool’s errand.

Yet as bizarre as his words may seem at first blush, they actually illustrate with bold clarity the fundamental (and increasingly common) core of the conservative belief system. They speak to the sociopathy that is at the heart of the far-right worldview. It is a worldview that holds, quite simply, that doing for others is contemptible; that doing for self is the purpose of human life; that altruism and service are somehow pathologies pushed by collectivists and should be subordinated to selfishness and greed.

Sound too extreme? Well if so, consider this. Among the most interesting phenomena of the past year–and especially since the inauguration of Barack Obama–has been the explosion of interest in (and sales of) books by the late author, Ayn Rand: most prominently her classic novels, The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. Indeed, the latter had an all-time record year in 2008, and 2009 sales are on a pace to shatter even last year’s numbers.

According to the Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights, sales of the monstrosity “Atlas Shrugged” reached an all time high of 200,000 copies sold in 2008. Keep in mind most conservatives don’t read because they’re very busy not working and watching Glenn Beck at 5pm.

“Americans are flocking to buy and read ‘Atlas Shrugged’ because there are uncanny similarities between the plot-line of the book and the events of our day” said Yaron Brook, Executive Director at the Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights. “Americans are rightfully concerned about the economic crisis and government’s increasing intervention and attempts to control the economy. Ayn Rand understood and identified the deeper causes of the crisis we’re facing, and she offered, in ‘Atlas Shrugged,’ a principled and practical solution consistent with American values.”

Wise runs down the values of Rand:

Rand’s disdain for the bulk of humanity was, indeed, so extreme that in the aforemetioned Atlas Shrugged–whose main character and “hero” John Galt has been referenced on numerous tea party signs–she indulges a pseudo-genocidal fantasy, in which virtually everyone except Galt and his few “perfect” producers is vanquished. This happy occurrence results from a “strike of the mind,” in which Galt and his superior colleagues of industry withdraw their talents from the nation and hole up in a mountain retreat, rather than submit to things like government regulations. Those whom Galt condemns in the book, and thus, whom Rand is herself condemning, are referred to as “parasites” who are unworthy of life. Indeed, Galt’s contempt for the weak of the world prompts he and his colleagues to banish the word “give” from their small utopian “gulch.” Giving, after all, much like calls for community service, is for suckers.

He goes on to describe Ayn Rand’s literary love affair with a psychopathic real-life murderer, William Edward Hickman. Her reason:

She indeed critiqued those who would condemn Hickman’s actions for having committed “worse sins and crimes,” such as those she ascribed to his jury. Among those “greater” crimes–greater than mutilating a child–she included being, “Average, everyday, rather stupid looking citizens. Shabbily dressed, dried, worn looking little men. Fat, overdressed, very average, ‘dignified’ housewives.” Their ordinariness, in other words, placed them below Hickman, in Rand’s mind. “How can they decide the fate of that boy? Or anyone’s fate?” she implored in her Journals.

That, and his complete disregard for everyone else. That’s really good, according to Randian values.

So, here’s the thing: When rightists say they’re against Obama’s “Day Of Service” on 9/11, it’s not because he’s desicrating 9/11 (because they don’t care about 9/11; snotty New Yorkers died, remember?), it’s because they think service is socialism. Any time you do anything for anyone at any time, it’s bad because you’re not getting paid for it. And in a capitalist country, you get paid for things you do, with paper money backed by nothing besides consumer confidence, as long as that lasts.

Rush Limbaugh recently ranted against the Day of Service, saying only prisoners should have to perform service (keep in mind, no one is being required to perform anything), because it is generally a bad thing. Punishment.

Ayn Rand’s idea of serving humanity by hating humanity and her homicidal fantasies about incinerating the poor and lazy, that’s not considered weird to the Tea Patriots. That’s why, when they try to mock liberals on their internet comment boards, they don’t say “I disagree with you on said policy for said reasons,” they say, “WEN UR DONE COLLECTING WELFARE AND DRAINING THIS COUNTRY OF ITS MONEY BC YOUR LAZY COME TALK TO ME LIBTARDO!!!1”

WATCH:


Girl Scouts Now Acting As Nazi Death Squads

September 15, 2009
Leave a Comment

Obama_Poster_Hitler_Yesweca

In the 1930s, a man named Hitler rose to power. No one knew much about him, except that he’d come from a church with a crazy preacher, but people generally ignored it. Hitler also was fathered by a man he never knew, and his mother moved around a lot.

Later in life, Hitler wrote books about his life which involved “dreams” of his long lost “father.” Upon his rise, Hitler promised the German people things like “universal health care” and an “end” to “wars.” He also banked on the German people believing his campaign slogan: “Change.” Some wondered if Hitler were really born in Germany, asking Hitler to show his birth certificate, but Hitler said no because people who ask that question are stupid.

In addition to this, Hitler had a girlfriend named Eva Braun, which, in American, translates to “Michelle.” What makes things even stranger is that in the old testament of the Bible (which Hitler claimed to read, though everyone knew he was actually a secret Hindu), there’s a passage in which the word “Hitler” is translated to “Satan.”

People followed Hitler everywhere he went and cheered at his speeches. They held German flags. Children were mesmerized by Hitler, too. They were called Hitler Youth. There was a small group called the League of German Girls, young women who did everything Hitler told them to do.

Hitler staged a fire and blamed it on Polish communists, his enemy (even though communists and fascists are the same.) He then murdered millions and millions in the name of a world government, headed by the United Nations (which was Hitler’s plan) and spoke of being a “citizen of the world”, not a “citizen of Germany”. There were scores of patriotic Germans who protested against Hitler, correctly saying his universal health care system was going to kill their grandmothers and that he was the anti-Christ. First, those protesters were dismissed as loons. Then they were murdered by the Hitler “Hope and Change” government, and armed guards who had originally volunteered to join what was then called Stadt Jahr, or, translated for English: “City Year.” When the protesters said, no, you can’t kill us, Hitler responded with one of his campaign slogans: “Yes We Can.”

Infowars:

US Girl Scouts prepare for war, pestilence

The United States wants to enlist its 3.4 million Girl Scouts in the effort to combat hurricanes, pandemics, terror attacks and other disasters. The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) launched a campaign Tuesday to entice the blue, brown and green-clad multitudes to be even more prepared, with the promise of a new patch if they pitch in.

“This new preparedness patch will increase citizen preparedness and enhance our country’s readiness for disasters,” said DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano in a statement. Girl Scouts of the USA chief executive Kathy Cloninger said the tie up with Citizen Corps “provides an opportunity for our girls to lead the way in ensuring that their families and their communities are prepared for emergencies.”

But this should give you some “comfort”:

It is not the first time the girl guides have been called into action in defense of the homeland. During World War II, Girl Scouts “operated bicycle courier services, invested more than 48,000 hours in Farm Aid projects, collected fat and scrap metal, and grew Victory Gardens,” according to Girl Scouts of the USA.

It’s nice to know that the United States now has its own version of Hitler’s League of German Girls program.


This Is Wingnuts

September 15, 2009
Leave a Comment

If only there were some sort of “panel” that had something to do with “death” or “killing” or, simply, “cutting off limbs” that took “human beings” who were “old” or “stupid” and “deserved to die” because they were “destroying” their “country” under the guise of “patriotism.”


Next Page »