American Shorts

Potential War With Iran?

October 2, 2009
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Um, why do I have to read this story at Fox Nation, the internet’s worst website?

Obama said Iran must grant international inspectors “unfettered” access to its newly disclosed nuclear facility within two weeks.

This shit is fucked. I mean, really? Obama might use force against Iran?

I’m not that worried because, you can tell just by the way he speaks on such matters, that he really doesn’t want to. (The main reason for that is that there’s no reason to. Case closed.)

Iran, for all its rhetoric, is a peaceful country. I realize it’s in the middle east, and the middle east is bad, but come on — what has Iran done?

All the talk about Iranians training al Qaeda — unfounded. All the shit about I’m a Dinner Jacket inciting a Holocaust or something — based on nothing. And now we’re scared they’re going to build a nuclear bomb? Think about that. “A nuclear bomb.” One.

Iran building a bomb means nothing. There are plenty of countries throughout the world with bombs. They know that if they used these bombs, their countries would cease to exist because then the United States would have a real reason — backed up by everyone — to use our own bombs.

Why isn’t this being reported on the liberal blogs, or even news sites. No talk of it on Think Progress, Huffington Post or Crooks and Liars. Something needs to be said about the priorities of those whose “guy” is in power. I mean, liberal blogs are advertising T-shirts now saying “Respect the president.” Really? Do you wear that in rotation with your Che T-shirts?

As much as the radical right has been going nuts, pushing the same conspiracies they railed against during the Bush years, the left has really gotten in line here. I’m probably at least partially guilt of that. I mean, I like the guy. I want him to do awesome. I want America to be great. And in so doing, I’ve probably blown off lots of legitimate concerns by the right — even if most of the concerns are conspiracies that have to do with an innate hatred based on…lots of things.ShahNuclearPlants

For once, I think at least, Infowars might be right.

I thought Bush and Cheney wanted war with Iran, after they released that stupid speed boat video, and Bush used to claim I’m a Dinner Jacket was ready to bomb Israel, but Obama definitely doesn’t want to. And let’s be perfectly clear here. Iran has been building nuclear reactors since the 70s — the United States actually encouraged the Shah, our puppet, to do so.

I mean, I’m sorry the elections didn’t work out over there — but in 2000, they didn’t work out here, either. Shit happens. I’m glad people protested against their government over there, but that shouldn’t be used as a potential added excuse — as it could be — to commit genocide across what is a pretty up-to-date middle eastern country. If anything, the protests are a reason not to do anything — they’re fine. They practice free speech and seem to be allowed to do so, at least on some scale.

I just “hope” Obama doesn’t go the way of LBJ with this shit.

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Infowars Psychotic Roundup

September 30, 2009
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This picture was on Infowars. It’s pretty funny.

selfportThese headlines are on Inforwars. They’re also really, really funny:

Liberals and Democrats will support the coming mass murder campaign against Iran

Kurt Nimmo writes how the U.S. is going to slaughter Iran for false reasons the same way we did to Yugoslavia in the 90s with liberals pretending to believe it’s a human rights venture. Okay. I can see that.

Minnesota County Conducts “Operation Big Shot” Mass Vaccination Drill

Kurt Nimmo again. This time, he talks about how Ramsey County officials are going to force the H1N1 vaccine on their county as an experiment against the American people. Infowars is generally anti-vaccination. They think it’s for mind control, or something.

Paramilitary Force To Boss Internment Camp In Montana

I knew there was some shady police force that was going to begin guarding this prison in Montana, because they might switch the torture sites at Guantanamo Bay to this place. This article is about how the prison is actually — like FEMA camps — an experiment to imprison all Americans, for one reason or another, and then, like, New World Order (?)

This is the best line in the article:

Since a majority of the American people have now been designated as potential domestic terrorists by the federal government, fears are growing that the prison camp will be used to incarcerate citizens against their will during a flu pandemic or any other declared emergency.

“A majority” of Americans! Ha! Priceless!

Here’s a couple questions about the New World Order thing. Let’s say the Skull and Bones reptilian humanoids actually do wipe our humanity. Then what? There will be about 100 people left on earth. What are they going to do with each other? Will they keep really hot chicks alive to bang them? Because last time I looked, German Chancellor Merkel wasn’t exactly a looker. I mean, what’s the point of wiping out humanity? Who will they rule over? How will they fill their days? What will they eat?

I want an answer.


Indoctrination, Martial Law, Hitler, Tyranny…

September 28, 2009
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It’s been well documented over the years that conservatives hate school. This is mostly due to the fact that schools teach English, math, history and science, which makes people smart (science is the biggie here). And if people become less stupid, and stop believing God is whispering to gremlin politicians, telling them to drop cluster bombs on brown and yellow people all over the world, politicians will lose power. And if they weren’t obsessed with power, they’d take jobs in the private sector that would pay them a shit ton more.

Turns out, 9/11 Truthers also hate school. I’m not sure of the real motivation behind this one. I assume it’s because when kids spend time in school, they’re not watching poorly-constructed YouTube movies about how Bush, Obama, Bill Clinton, and Tupac engineered 9/11 in order to police the world and kill it. Or something.

But, here’s something we might be hearing more about this week:

“Earlier this year,” according to Yahoo News, President Obama suggested that our students should spend more time in school due to the fact that we’re falling behind the rest of the world in basically every academic category.

“Now, I know longer school days and school years are not wildly popular ideas,” the president said earlier this year. “Not with Malia and Sasha, not in my family, and probably not in yours. But the challenges of a new century demand more time in the classroom.”

In a “recent interview with the Associate Press,” the education secretary explained that the school calendar was  “based upon the agrarian economy and not too many of our kids are working the fields today.”

It’s linked on the Drudge Report.

And it comes to this: Infowars.com has a headline that says, “Obama Demands Children Spend More Time in State Indoctrination Centers.”

Yep. State Indoctrination Centers.

I went to public school, and I don’t remember getting indoctrinated by “the state.” Now, I know it was a different time (Clinton was president) and Clinton wasn’t a black Hitler. He was just a white Hitler, according to these people, and that’s not so bad.

Alex Jones has already produced two documentaries about Obama. Can you imagine?250809top2 This guy is going to make millions off paranoid racists, 9/11 Truthers and a majority of conservatives who will believe anything bad there is to say about the president.

I’m sure you’re hearing about this now because of the phony outrage expressed by the right last week when a video of children being taught a patriotic song in school that happens to mention President Obama. The media needs something to sell this week, and since it doesn’t look like health care is coming to a vote any time soon, this is it.

The best is how whatever loser created this video actually put scary music in it. The comments are priceless. (For the record, yes, I think it’s a little creepy. But it’s not like these kids are grabbing assault rifles and killing Jews alongside Hitler’s scientists.)

basketballplayer182: Worship the messiah or you are not American. Pray the Obamahad 5 times daily toward D.C.

This must be what they want to replace the Pledge of Allegiance with in schools…

justhadsexwithyermom: Obama hates the U.S. & you fools voted him in just because he’s black.

I guess the jokes on you!

Anyway.

Since Barack Obama gave a speech telling kids to work hard, he indoctrinated them. Since he wants all Americans to have health care, he’s Hitler. This shit is getting really old, and I wonder when the right is going to wake up and realize they’ve knowingly(?) joined with the 9/11 Troof brigade, hating the president for reasons unknown, based purely on partisanship.

You know Michael Savage has now predicted a “false flag operation,” by the Obama administration, to declare martial law. Glenn Beck often copies whatever Michael Savage says, so he may soon predict this as well.

Martial law. Sigh.

What’s also funny about this shit is that Obama hasn’t really done anything yet. Like, seriously. What violence has he propagated? Really, none. I assume he’s working on getting the troops out from Afghanistan and Iraq, but I don’t know.

Have their been any Waco style events? Has Obama expanded upon the PATRIOT Act? Has he forced anyone, really, to do anything (besides the right wingers who pretend to believe he’s going to force them to change their doctor, or something)?


Conservatives Now Care About Hippies Protesting

September 25, 2009
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Drudge linked to a YouTube video expressing shock that “acoustic weapons” are “unleashed” on American soil.

I’m sorry, would we rather the police beat the shit out of these people with nightsticks?

In conclusion, who gives a fuck?


Census Worker Killed

September 24, 2009
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r-CENSUS-HANGING-huge

AP/Huffpost:

WASHINGTON — The FBI is investigating the hanging death of a U.S. Census worker near a Kentucky cemetery, and a law enforcement official told The Associated Press the word ‘fed” was scrawled on the dead man’s chest.

The body of Bill Sparkman, a 51-year-old part-time Census field worker and occasional teacher, was found Sept. 12 in a remote patch of the Daniel Boone National Forest in rural southeast Kentucky. The Census has suspended door-to-door interviews in rural Clay County, where the body was found, pending the outcome of the investigation.

ACORN members!

Inciting irrational people is awesome, Michele.

Think Progress (letter from Rep. Boehner and Cantor)

We wanted to respond to your letter to us last week and to assure you that regardless of what inside-the-beltway media writes or what unnamed “sources” it quotes, we are proud to serve with Congresswoman Michele Bachmann. […]

When the other side can’t come up with arguments to defend their policies, they turn to personal attacks against their detractors. Congresswoman Bachmann stands shoulder to shoulder with her constituents and that really seems to irk some on the left. We fully expect that despite the best attempts of the media and the liberals, Michelle will continue to be a strong voice for freedom, smaller government, and better solutions.


This Is How Paranoid 9/11 Truthers Are

September 21, 2009
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They think Glenn Beck is an “operative working for the Pentagon and probably takes his orders from the Army’s Psychological Operations Command.”

Yep. That’s a quote.

glenn_beck-in-hospital

In a new article on Infowars.com, Kurt Nimmo actually makes an interesting case against Glenn Beck. (Interesting, as in, far-fetched and stupid, but also, like, “huh, that’s something no one else thinks.”) The basic point: Glenn Beck apologiazed to libertarians last week for spending the first part of his career making fun of them from the radio and a low-rated CNN Headline News show. They say Glenn’s acting skills are actually meant to destroy libertarians, not become them.

Here’s the apology:

Nimmo, in his article, says Glenn Beck is not only a Pentagon operative, but that his apology to libertarians last week was manufactured for political — not monetary — purposes. Also, Beck started the 912 Protests in order to allow the left to denounce it and have the protestors look stupid while simultaneously undermining the “real” Tea Party protests (which were originally started for Ron Paul and the Paultards.) His (and the Pentagon’s) plan is to destroy all the real “Patriot” (Paultard) movements.

Beck’s so-called 912 Project was designed to discredit the Tea Party demonstration in D.C. earlier this month — a movement already substantially co-opted by establishment Republicans — and give so-called “progressives” a chance to malign and denounce the movement and characterize it as a Republican attempt to undermine Obama and the Democrats. In other words, steer it back into the safe zone of the false right-left paradigm and prevent it from actually accomplishing anything.

Mostly, they’re never going to forgive Glenn Beck because during last year’s election, he denounced Ron Paul and the entire 9/11 Truth movement in favor of Mitt Romney and John McCain. Basically, Beck was a neo-con up until the time it wasn’t cool to be one anymore.

I have a much easier explanation for the psychopathic Alex Jones and his writers: Glenn Beck is looking at opinion polls as a way of making himself. Lots of people are fed up with the government — but they’re not exactly flocking toward the Republicans, or anyone, really. Barack Obama is down to about 52% in most polls, but he’s not going to get much lower. Thirty percent of Americans are Republican (as they supported George Bush until the end; remember that?). The rest of the country feels disenfranchised because they basically hate everything. These are the people Glenn Beck is after. Many of them are simply paranoid because that’s how they are. Some of them are racists and are going to believe anything bad about Barack Obama simply because he’s black (see: birthers), and some are just getting involved in politics because they now see what their indifference brought us over the last eight years. What were once indifference-ers are now crazy-ers.

Make no mistake: Glenn Beck knows what he’s doing, but he’s not taking orders from the government in order to stop the 9/11 Truthers.

That’s actually really stupid to think.


Cindy Sheehan: Still Alive

September 17, 2009
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There was a time when the mainstream left was all gaga over Ms. Sheehan. She wrote books with Noam Chomsky, she posted regularly on Daily Kos, and was a featured guest on Air America all the time. There were websites devoted to attacking her. Congressmen and women posed for pictures with her.

Well, not so much anymore. Turns out, she was sort of psycho. I mean, given. She lost a son in a bullshit war that was only waged so the little nuggety troll we had in office could get re-elected. Anyone could go crazy from that. Unfortunately, she had the camera pointed in her direction throughout her decline into madness.

Now, she’s resorted to the place where all the world’s trash and sink compactor sludge ends up: Alex Jones’ Infowars.com.

In her latest column, titled “You Have To Learn From History”, She takes said quote President Obama said about fighting Afghanistan and attempts to one-up him, recreating the history of Jimmy Carter…creating(?) al Qaeda and Genghis Kahn and Alexander the Great and Great Britain:

[N]o empire has ever been “successful” in Afghanistan and it really makes me wonder what “history” Barack Obama is learning from. Not the “history” where Afghanistan has been the burial place for empire, that’s for sure. Obviously, obviously our “leaders” are out of control and there is no mass movement of Americans who will be able to get out in the streets to stop the homicidal maniacs.

Yeah, she’s still Cindy Sheehan.

I’m not sure if I’m sad by the fact that she’s been chewed up and spit out by the media or if I should laugh at the fact that Alex Jones was the closest thing she could find to a mainstream outlet. Sure, he’s got fans and everything. But they all think FEMA has built Buchenwald in New Jersey.

Related: Freedom Brothers: Cindy Sheehan Uses Son’s Memory As Toilet Paper at Terrorstock 2008