American Shorts

Facebook User: Kill Obama (Because of his policies and only his policies, not because I, and others like me, are crazy people)

September 28, 2009
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Look. Conservatives protesting against Obama ARE NOT RACIST!

Why don’t you gay-loving liberals get that through your thick skulls!

Don’t tread on me! Obama just wants to give all my hard-earned money to BLACK PEOPLE WHO DON’T WORK!!! THIS HAS NOTHING — NOTHING! — TO DO WITH RACISM!

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When someone on Facebook asks, “Should Obama be killed?” and 730 people actually vote in the poll, it has nothing to do with the fact that hillbillies have all the sudden come out of the woodwork, guns loaded, irrationality in full swing.

The poll asked respondents “Should Obama be killed?” The choices: No, Maybe, Yes, and Yes if he cuts my health care.

The question was not created by Facebook, but by an independent person using an add-on application that has been suspended from the site.

“The third-party application that enabled an individual user to create the offensive poll was brought to our attention this morning,” said Barry Schnitt, Facebook’s spokesman for policy.

IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE AGAINST HIS POLICIES! (Also, white Christians are descriminated against in America.)


Indoctrination, Martial Law, Hitler, Tyranny…

September 28, 2009
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It’s been well documented over the years that conservatives hate school. This is mostly due to the fact that schools teach English, math, history and science, which makes people smart (science is the biggie here). And if people become less stupid, and stop believing God is whispering to gremlin politicians, telling them to drop cluster bombs on brown and yellow people all over the world, politicians will lose power. And if they weren’t obsessed with power, they’d take jobs in the private sector that would pay them a shit ton more.

Turns out, 9/11 Truthers also hate school. I’m not sure of the real motivation behind this one. I assume it’s because when kids spend time in school, they’re not watching poorly-constructed YouTube movies about how Bush, Obama, Bill Clinton, and Tupac engineered 9/11 in order to police the world and kill it. Or something.

But, here’s something we might be hearing more about this week:

“Earlier this year,” according to Yahoo News, President Obama suggested that our students should spend more time in school due to the fact that we’re falling behind the rest of the world in basically every academic category.

“Now, I know longer school days and school years are not wildly popular ideas,” the president said earlier this year. “Not with Malia and Sasha, not in my family, and probably not in yours. But the challenges of a new century demand more time in the classroom.”

In a “recent interview with the Associate Press,” the education secretary explained that the school calendar was  “based upon the agrarian economy and not too many of our kids are working the fields today.”

It’s linked on the Drudge Report.

And it comes to this: Infowars.com has a headline that says, “Obama Demands Children Spend More Time in State Indoctrination Centers.”

Yep. State Indoctrination Centers.

I went to public school, and I don’t remember getting indoctrinated by “the state.” Now, I know it was a different time (Clinton was president) and Clinton wasn’t a black Hitler. He was just a white Hitler, according to these people, and that’s not so bad.

Alex Jones has already produced two documentaries about Obama. Can you imagine?250809top2 This guy is going to make millions off paranoid racists, 9/11 Truthers and a majority of conservatives who will believe anything bad there is to say about the president.

I’m sure you’re hearing about this now because of the phony outrage expressed by the right last week when a video of children being taught a patriotic song in school that happens to mention President Obama. The media needs something to sell this week, and since it doesn’t look like health care is coming to a vote any time soon, this is it.

The best is how whatever loser created this video actually put scary music in it. The comments are priceless. (For the record, yes, I think it’s a little creepy. But it’s not like these kids are grabbing assault rifles and killing Jews alongside Hitler’s scientists.)

basketballplayer182: Worship the messiah or you are not American. Pray the Obamahad 5 times daily toward D.C.

This must be what they want to replace the Pledge of Allegiance with in schools…

justhadsexwithyermom: Obama hates the U.S. & you fools voted him in just because he’s black.

I guess the jokes on you!

Anyway.

Since Barack Obama gave a speech telling kids to work hard, he indoctrinated them. Since he wants all Americans to have health care, he’s Hitler. This shit is getting really old, and I wonder when the right is going to wake up and realize they’ve knowingly(?) joined with the 9/11 Troof brigade, hating the president for reasons unknown, based purely on partisanship.

You know Michael Savage has now predicted a “false flag operation,” by the Obama administration, to declare martial law. Glenn Beck often copies whatever Michael Savage says, so he may soon predict this as well.

Martial law. Sigh.

What’s also funny about this shit is that Obama hasn’t really done anything yet. Like, seriously. What violence has he propagated? Really, none. I assume he’s working on getting the troops out from Afghanistan and Iraq, but I don’t know.

Have their been any Waco style events? Has Obama expanded upon the PATRIOT Act? Has he forced anyone, really, to do anything (besides the right wingers who pretend to believe he’s going to force them to change their doctor, or something)?


Drudge Report: Shit Website

September 24, 2009
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Remember this?

500x_drudgebeatingA “white student” gets bullied and it’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened, ever. It means something about Obama. Racism, black people killing white people because Obama is in office.

Rush Limbaugh said this about the Drudge headline:

“I think the guy’s wrong. I think not only it was racism, it was justifiable racism. I mean, that’s the lesson that we’re being taught here today. Kid shouldn’t have been on the bus anyway. We need segregated buses — it was invading space and so forth. This is Obama’s America.

“In Obama’s America, the white kids now get beat up with the black kids cheering, ‘Yay, right on, right on, right on, right on. I wonder if Obama’s going to come to the defense of the assailants the way he did his friend Skip Gates up there at Harvard.”

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Well, a census worker was actually murdered today in what looks like a political assassination. An act of terrorism. That little incident gets this:

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Last but not least, this is Drudge’s headline right now:

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And here’s where that headline comes from (Obama’s speech at the UN):

“No world order that elevates one nation or group of people over another will succeed.”

These fucking people.


Census Worker Killed

September 24, 2009
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r-CENSUS-HANGING-huge

AP/Huffpost:

WASHINGTON — The FBI is investigating the hanging death of a U.S. Census worker near a Kentucky cemetery, and a law enforcement official told The Associated Press the word ‘fed” was scrawled on the dead man’s chest.

The body of Bill Sparkman, a 51-year-old part-time Census field worker and occasional teacher, was found Sept. 12 in a remote patch of the Daniel Boone National Forest in rural southeast Kentucky. The Census has suspended door-to-door interviews in rural Clay County, where the body was found, pending the outcome of the investigation.

ACORN members!

Inciting irrational people is awesome, Michele.

Think Progress (letter from Rep. Boehner and Cantor)

We wanted to respond to your letter to us last week and to assure you that regardless of what inside-the-beltway media writes or what unnamed “sources” it quotes, we are proud to serve with Congresswoman Michele Bachmann. […]

When the other side can’t come up with arguments to defend their policies, they turn to personal attacks against their detractors. Congresswoman Bachmann stands shoulder to shoulder with her constituents and that really seems to irk some on the left. We fully expect that despite the best attempts of the media and the liberals, Michelle will continue to be a strong voice for freedom, smaller government, and better solutions.


Right Wing Blogger Fantasizes About Beating Up Black Children In DC

September 18, 2009
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This is just hilarious.

Okay, set the scene:

Dan Reihl is some loser blogger (like me !) He was at the Tea Patriot March of the Retards on September 12, along with other white, retired losers from all over the country, protesting against Obama’s daily meetings with Satan.

So, he posted this blog about being on a train after the protest, and — look out! — BLACK KIDS got on. He posted about it.

Riding out of DC on the Metro, 9/12, there were some folks from South Dakota and also another Mid-West state I can’t recall in the same Metro car. We were talking, nothing special, really – politics, of course.

In the back were maybe ten or so black kids taking up that section of the car. There was no confrontation, just one or two of them talking loudly enough to make sure they’d be heard.

Without resorting to the poor diction it was along the lines of, these are the people who think Obama is the anti-Christ. That McCain he wasn’t chit. Obama’s going to be president as long as he wants, so these people better get used to it, etc. It went on but not really to a level that was so loud, or so confrontational that it needed to be addressed.

We just ignored them without much trouble at all.

Yeah, they were technically thugs. But the reality was they were still wannabes really, pretty young, not that big, or many. And if the several adults there for 9/12 actually needed to do something about it, the kids wouldn’t have lasted very long. Maybe if they were bigger, or more numerous, it might have been worse. Or it may not have happened at all. Who knows?

Dan, some things you just keep to yourself.

Charles Johnson at LGF had a hilarious take on the whole thing:

Now there’s true courage. If those black kids had tried something, Dan Riehl was ready. Man, he would have shown them.

Of course, they didn’t try anything. But the potential for serious violence was in the air! He could tell by their “poor diction.”

Oh no. That’s not racist at all.

I think Gawker was correct when they equated Glenn Beck to a terrorist and his minions of gullibles to al Qaeda in America. Yeah, that was true. But here’s another thing. It’s very clear from Dan’s blog that he rarely encounters black people. Imagine what it was like for him to wake up on November 5, realizing a black person was president. He and the Tea Patriots must have shit themselves. He’s still of the mindset that because these kids were sarcastically making fun of he and his Dakotans, they were a) “thugs” and b) ready to fight.

I mean, really?

That’s why you see these all-cap internet commenters, who are generally 10-20 years behind everyone else, rant on boards about how all Democrats are on welfare and want handouts — they just don’t know any better. That’s why Joe The Plumber is their hero, or something. He was an unemployed loser who had aspirations of being a rich guy through “hard work.” But, clearly, that never happened. Joe The Plumber was actually more concerned with telling his life story to a ghost writer and posing for a picture in front of an American flag than “hard work.” I mean, God bless him, he’s one of the people Glenn Beck talks about when he fools his audience into thinking they would all be rich if the Democrats would just stop with the taxes. Joe actually got rich by doing what Beck’s audience does: Nothing.

What’s also interesting is what follows in Reihl’s blog:

But what’s unfortunately becoming increasingly clear is that, for the people who thought Obama’s election would make America post-racial? I’m afraid you’re wrong. Some of the potential racial narratives that may still play out during his presidency might not be that pretty at all.

Okay, first of all, no one thought Obama’s election was going to make America “post-racial.” Post-racial is not possible as long as there are still people alive who lived through a “racial” time. There are still people living who tea-bagged against black students integrating into Arkansas schools. There are still veterans who served in a divided military, in which black soldiers were shipped to Europe and Japan at the bottom of ships while the white soldiers rode at the top. Shit, Rosa Parks just died three years ago.

It’s going to take decades before we’re anything close to “post-racial”, but that’s besides the point.

When was the last time a president-elect was blamed for a recession?

When was the last time a president was believed to be the actual anti-Christ by over 30 percent of Republicans living in a blue state (where, supposedly, Republicans are more moderate)?

When was the last time a president’s birth place was debated?

I mean, Fox News and their ilk pretend to believe white Christians are prosecuted in America, which is close to the dumbest thing ever said by anyone, ever.

We’re not further away from being “post-racial” because of anything Barack Obama did. We’re further from post-raciality because of the Tea Patriots and their conspiracy theories that could be — if they were willing to perceive being wrong — proven wrong with a 3-second internet search.

That’s my biggest problem. It takes 3 seconds. Type “Barack Obama birth certificate” into Google. Just do it. Go to any number of debunking websites. There are photos of people from the Annenberg Foundation in Hawaii, holding the birth certificate with their hands. But, yeah — they’re part of the conspiracy, right?

We can’t be post racial as long as ignorance is celebrated. And because of people like Dan Reihl and the Tea Patriots, it is.


This is Fox ‘Headlines For The Mentally Handicapped’ Nation

September 17, 2009
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Fox Nation is the worst website I’ve ever seen. Besides this one.

Here are their headlines:

foxnation‘Middle America Rebellion’ or ‘March of the Retards’?

obamastimulusIt’s official: Murdoch-owned Fox Nation and the Wall Street Journal’s editorial page are the first people in history with the ability to judge a Keynesian economic stimulus package within three months.

megan foxWhy else, Fox viewers? BECAUSE CHRISTIANITY IS UNDER ATTACK. FIRST OBAMA COMES INTO OFFICE, THEN THE BLACKS BEAT UP WHITE KIDS, THEN THE MUSLINS TAKE CONTROL OF GOVERNMENT THEN THE BLACKS TAKE OVER AND STILL BEAT UP WHITE KIDS!!!11


Beck: If You Call Me A Racist, You Are A Person Who Uses Children As Suicide Bombers

September 17, 2009
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…Because not a single one of the Tea Patriots are racists. I mean, come on. They just don’t want their rights taken away by a black guy who was born in Kenya and might be the anti-Christ and wants to give free money to “people” who don’t work and…

…is going to kill your white grandmother and incinerates the retarded and thinks white police officers are stupid (when they act as such) and was ONLY ELECTED IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE HE WAS BLACK AND IT’S EASY TO GET ELECTED PRESIDENT IF YOU’RE BLACK!

Yeah.

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20090916TeaParty01I found these pictures at Little Green Footballs. There are others.


Ted Nugent: Columnist

September 16, 2009
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lovegrenadespecial

Sometimes I read things and I think, what was I supposed to get out of that? Does anyone reading this think there was anything constructive in here?

Given, what I’m about to lay upon you is written by Ted Nugent, best known for one good song in the 70s, or something, and saying he was going to shove a gun up Hillary Clinton’s ass. In his newest column, he dislikes Michael Moore and his newest documentary, “Capitalism: A Love Story”:

No one I know will be giving Mikey any money to further encourage his Three Stooges logic and anti-American ideologies by paying to see this nonsense.  Actually, no one I know would be dumb enough to sit through it. (Ok, some people I know would, but they all work for NBC or the New York Times.)

HAHAHA! The New York Times and NBC are liberal so they are dumb enough to sit through Michael Moore’s movie! Who does Ted Nugent know who works for these companies?

What Moore and his idol, President Obama, fail to understand is that soaking the rich with higher taxes ultimately equates to middle class jobs disappearing, the very Americans ol’ Mikey claims to care about.  One of these days the economic numbskulls amongst us will figure that out.  If not, they will go through life feeding on table scraps instead of steak.

What?

Ultimately, those who rail against capitalism are people who claim they need to be babysat, bailed out and subsidized. They are either uneducated, ignorant, unskilled, scared or — for any number of reasons — fatalists accepting to be ill equipped to compete in the economic arena where the entrepreneurial dust is swirling and the sweat of excellence is flying unabated.

Instead of complimenting those who do compete in the economic arena, Moore, Obama and others of their ilk condemn and chastise the entrepreneurs instead of complimenting them. Mikey is czar of Bizzarro world.

So, yeah. Ted Nugent.

Sorry.


The Homicidal, Genocidal, Suicidal Ayn Rand: The New Right’s Hero

September 16, 2009
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ayn_rand_stamp

Leave it up to the right wingers to find the hip, new trend in novel writing: AYN RAND!

That’s right, the most boring, narcissistic novelist of all time has been making a comeback amongst the retirees and unemployed losers who hate the guy who’s trying to get them a job.

Tim Wise breaks it down in a must-read Daily Kos diary.

Service, according to the gospel of Limbaugh, is for suckers, for society’s “losers,” for people who have committed crimes. In other words, it should be viewed as punishment rather than as something to be applauded and encouraged. To do for community is a fool’s errand.

Yet as bizarre as his words may seem at first blush, they actually illustrate with bold clarity the fundamental (and increasingly common) core of the conservative belief system. They speak to the sociopathy that is at the heart of the far-right worldview. It is a worldview that holds, quite simply, that doing for others is contemptible; that doing for self is the purpose of human life; that altruism and service are somehow pathologies pushed by collectivists and should be subordinated to selfishness and greed.

Sound too extreme? Well if so, consider this. Among the most interesting phenomena of the past year–and especially since the inauguration of Barack Obama–has been the explosion of interest in (and sales of) books by the late author, Ayn Rand: most prominently her classic novels, The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. Indeed, the latter had an all-time record year in 2008, and 2009 sales are on a pace to shatter even last year’s numbers.

According to the Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights, sales of the monstrosity “Atlas Shrugged” reached an all time high of 200,000 copies sold in 2008. Keep in mind most conservatives don’t read because they’re very busy not working and watching Glenn Beck at 5pm.

“Americans are flocking to buy and read ‘Atlas Shrugged’ because there are uncanny similarities between the plot-line of the book and the events of our day” said Yaron Brook, Executive Director at the Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights. “Americans are rightfully concerned about the economic crisis and government’s increasing intervention and attempts to control the economy. Ayn Rand understood and identified the deeper causes of the crisis we’re facing, and she offered, in ‘Atlas Shrugged,’ a principled and practical solution consistent with American values.”

Wise runs down the values of Rand:

Rand’s disdain for the bulk of humanity was, indeed, so extreme that in the aforemetioned Atlas Shrugged–whose main character and “hero” John Galt has been referenced on numerous tea party signs–she indulges a pseudo-genocidal fantasy, in which virtually everyone except Galt and his few “perfect” producers is vanquished. This happy occurrence results from a “strike of the mind,” in which Galt and his superior colleagues of industry withdraw their talents from the nation and hole up in a mountain retreat, rather than submit to things like government regulations. Those whom Galt condemns in the book, and thus, whom Rand is herself condemning, are referred to as “parasites” who are unworthy of life. Indeed, Galt’s contempt for the weak of the world prompts he and his colleagues to banish the word “give” from their small utopian “gulch.” Giving, after all, much like calls for community service, is for suckers.

He goes on to describe Ayn Rand’s literary love affair with a psychopathic real-life murderer, William Edward Hickman. Her reason:

She indeed critiqued those who would condemn Hickman’s actions for having committed “worse sins and crimes,” such as those she ascribed to his jury. Among those “greater” crimes–greater than mutilating a child–she included being, “Average, everyday, rather stupid looking citizens. Shabbily dressed, dried, worn looking little men. Fat, overdressed, very average, ‘dignified’ housewives.” Their ordinariness, in other words, placed them below Hickman, in Rand’s mind. “How can they decide the fate of that boy? Or anyone’s fate?” she implored in her Journals.

That, and his complete disregard for everyone else. That’s really good, according to Randian values.

So, here’s the thing: When rightists say they’re against Obama’s “Day Of Service” on 9/11, it’s not because he’s desicrating 9/11 (because they don’t care about 9/11; snotty New Yorkers died, remember?), it’s because they think service is socialism. Any time you do anything for anyone at any time, it’s bad because you’re not getting paid for it. And in a capitalist country, you get paid for things you do, with paper money backed by nothing besides consumer confidence, as long as that lasts.

Rush Limbaugh recently ranted against the Day of Service, saying only prisoners should have to perform service (keep in mind, no one is being required to perform anything), because it is generally a bad thing. Punishment.

Ayn Rand’s idea of serving humanity by hating humanity and her homicidal fantasies about incinerating the poor and lazy, that’s not considered weird to the Tea Patriots. That’s why, when they try to mock liberals on their internet comment boards, they don’t say “I disagree with you on said policy for said reasons,” they say, “WEN UR DONE COLLECTING WELFARE AND DRAINING THIS COUNTRY OF ITS MONEY BC YOUR LAZY COME TALK TO ME LIBTARDO!!!1”

WATCH:


AUDIO OF OBAMA SAYING ‘JACKASS’

September 15, 2009
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15381765

The world has come to an end.

First, Kanye West is stupid. Then, the president REPORTEDLY calls him a jackass. THEN WE GET THE AUDIO EVIDENCE ON TMZ.COM!!!

Listen

The funny thing is, after he says it, he talks about how the right is going to come up with phony outrage about his saying it, and they have.


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