American Shorts

Dick Cheney: Loved by Idiots

December 21, 2009
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While adding to the pile of human excrement that is the Republican party, Human Events has decided to literally write a joke about itself.

Dick Cheney.

What has he done? Nothing, really. Just decide to start talking and act like an asshole. I mean, okay. I get it. Conservatives like and are assholes! That’s how they rule, and that’s why their supporters call themselves “real Americans” and are still whining about losing the Civil and Vietnam wars.

Can you imagine the mind of someone who thinks of him or herself as “more American” than someone else? That’s serious mental illness.

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Gibbs: Is Steele hoping to hop a plane to Brazil and catch the Olympics in Rio?

September 30, 2009
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Nice.

It’s true, you know. Those who criticize Obama for trying to get the olympics in America: Where do you think the olympics should be? Why isn’t America good enough for the olympics?

Why do you hate America so much?


Obama Wants Olympics In America Because He Hates America

September 29, 2009
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It’s creeping up to 7am. Do you know what your phone outrage of the day is going to be?

The potential 2016 Olympics in Chicago.

foxnation

To conservatives, because Barack Obama is from Chicago (and everyone knows Barack Obama is a non-American Hitler), Chicago is also not American. On top of that, Chicago represents some other terrible things. Chicago is where conservatives pretend to beleive John F. Kennedy “stole” the 1960 election (even though there were several recounts in Illinois and JFK did not need Illinois’ electoral votes to in the election). If John F. Kennedy were never elected, they believe, there would be no liberals, no Kennedy “dynasty” and no Medicare and such (because LBJ, too, would never have been president.) Unfortunately, there still would have been Vietnam (started by Eisenhower), the U.S. still would have come off the gold standard, and Kissinger would still have slaughtered millions in Cambodia.

Anyway, other people from Chicago include the ultimate blogger, Rod “Blog” – Oi! – Uh, vich? and the ultimate Hitler-Jew, Rahm Emanuel (and his evil shadowy doctor brother, Ezekiel, who wants to perform human experimentation on your grandmother and retarded babies.) These people are all terrible, and Obama sleeps with the devil.

So.

Conservatives are pretending to believe Barack Obama has secret ambitions to get the Olympics in Chicago in 2016, his potential last year in office. And you know why he’s doing that? Think Berlin, 1938! You want me to explain further? (No.)

Charles Johnson at Little Green Footballs found this at Michelle Malkin’s phony outrage site:

On September 28th, 2009 at 2:20 pm, 24Klady said:

We can’t find out what the salaries of the czars are, and now another office funded out of a backroom with no $$ accountability. Does anyone doubt the U.S. portion of the Olympics will end up being paid for by the taxpayer, and the atheletes used for political purposes just like Berlin/1938?

[…]

On September 28th, 2009 at 2:51 pm, Tazed and Confused said:

Re: Obama shaking hands with inner-city school kids … encouraging them … .
“yea bro, you can deal crack, score a bodacious ho, and still become president … . lookatme!”

So. Drudge, who operates on misleading headlines that are phrased in such a way to get us to believe what’s “really” going on, has this up as his main headline right now:

drudge

All those people are, to the squidbillies, Obama. And if the Olympics come to Chicago (especially Obama’s Kenyan brothers and sisters who witnessed him birthed in Kenya, not Hawaii), Obama will hit us with 2x4s (or, hit OUR WALLETS with 2x4s) right after he re-creates 9/11 in some southern “real American” (see also: confederate) city in order to declare martial law.

But this is from the President Bush Whitehouse.org archives:

THE PRESIDENT: I want to thank the members of the 2016 Chicago bid to get the Olympics. Listen, Mr. Mayor, you and your committee have put together a great plan. It’s a plan that will make America proud.

They say that the Olympics will come to Chicago if we’re fortunate enough to be selected, but really it’s coming to America, and I can’t think of a better city to represent the United States than Chicago.
President George W. Bush and Chicago Mayor Richard Daley hold up a T-shirt touting Chicago 2016, during a meeting Monday, Jan. 7, 2008, with with members of the Chicago 2016 Bid Committee and the U.S. Olympic Committee. Said the President, "This country supports your bid, strongly. And our hope is that the judges will take a good look at Chicago and select Chicago for the 2016 Olympics." White House photo by Joyce N. Boghosian This is a well thought out venue. There will be — the athletes will be taken care of. People who will be coming from around the world will find this good city has got fantastic accommodations, great restaurants. It will be safe.

And so I — this country supports your bid, strongly. And our hope is that the judges will take a good look at Chicago and select Chicago for the 2016 Olympics.

Thank you all.

President Bush, I think, is in on this secret plot by Obama, somehow. But nevermind that. He wasn’t a “real conservative“, remember? Only Sarah Palin is.

Sometimes, you’ve just got to look at this shit and wonder the lengths these pundits/character actors will go to in order to work a fake story. I mean, getting the olympics to Chicago is anti-American? Why?

Actually, I’m still wondering how Obama is like Hitler. I know, they both executed a Holocaust — but I mean besides that.

The fact is this. Conservatives, as they exist today (the wingnut version) are children. Babies without a bottle. They’re so angry they’re out of power and, of all people, a black man is in power, they’re willing to forget everything they pretended to support over the last, I don’t know, 20 — 30? — years. That’s why you’ve now got conservatives calling for a pullout of the middle east, and the rest of the world. That’s why suddenly they want back on the gold standard and police are bad.

They’re willing to accept any conspiracy theory, no matter how psycho, in order to convince one more tobacco-lip-stuffing hillbilly to vote against Barack Obama in 2012 and write incoherent comments on right wing blogs. It makes you wonder: If Al Gore had been president on 9/11, how many mainstream right wingers would be Troofers?

We all supported George W. at that time for a couple reasons. First of all, he was a naive nitwit who had no idea as to what he was doing (and could have had no idea 9/11 was going to happen). We prayed he’d come around, and when crisis strikes, Americans overwhelmingly support their president (highest approval ratings ever = Roosevelt after Pearl Harbor, Truman after Roosevelt’s death, Bush after 9/11). Second of all, as a naive nitwit, we knew he’d bomb the shit out of whoever did it. Turns out, he just bombed the shit out of the guy his dad also hated so he could get re-elected in a few years. Oh well. It was a good try by us.

But back to the point: This ‘martial law’ and ‘tyranny’ talk isn’t anything new. Mainstream right wing crybabies are willing to forgo all respect when it comes to getting their power back. Remember Ann Coulter spoke on 24-news about what Bill Clinton’s penis looked like (as if she wasn’t fantasizing)? You consider he was actually impeached for banging a fat chick — they’re willing to do anything to humiliate the opposition and appease the character actors playing right wing zealots on TV and radio.

0413_tucker_carlson_fm

Conservatives are going to be all against the olympics for a while now. (After all, the olympics is just like the U.N…All the countries get together…One World Government…Fascism…Global “warming”…) And all this is going to somehow lead us back to the school “indoctrination” thing, and how children singing a song in school about many presidents (but putting just one part, about the “fascist” president, on YouTube) is basically the same as Mao and the Khymer Rouge because young athletes visited the White House the other day.

I hate everyone.


Drudge Report: Shit Website

September 24, 2009
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Remember this?

500x_drudgebeatingA “white student” gets bullied and it’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened, ever. It means something about Obama. Racism, black people killing white people because Obama is in office.

Rush Limbaugh said this about the Drudge headline:

“I think the guy’s wrong. I think not only it was racism, it was justifiable racism. I mean, that’s the lesson that we’re being taught here today. Kid shouldn’t have been on the bus anyway. We need segregated buses — it was invading space and so forth. This is Obama’s America.

“In Obama’s America, the white kids now get beat up with the black kids cheering, ‘Yay, right on, right on, right on, right on. I wonder if Obama’s going to come to the defense of the assailants the way he did his friend Skip Gates up there at Harvard.”

Rush_Limbaugh[1]_20090918144241_320_240

Well, a census worker was actually murdered today in what looks like a political assassination. An act of terrorism. That little incident gets this:

drudgereport

Last but not least, this is Drudge’s headline right now:

500x_drudge

And here’s where that headline comes from (Obama’s speech at the UN):

“No world order that elevates one nation or group of people over another will succeed.”

These fucking people.


Why Is Idiot Ice Queen Sarah Palin Going Overseas To Bash America?

September 23, 2009
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sarah-palin-01

I wonder if Fox News is going to use that headline.

AP/HuffPost:

Former U.S. vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin, criticized for her lack of foreign policy experience, emerged in Asia on Wednesday to share her views from “Main Street U.S.A.” with a group of high-flying global investors.

She didn’t refer to President Barack Obama by name, the Wall Street Journal reported, but said she called his campaign promises “nebulous, utopian sounding… Now 10 months later, though, a lot of Americans are asking: more government? Is that the change we want?”

Some attendees were disappointed by her focus on her home state and her attacks on President Obama.

“As fund managers we want to hear about the United States as a whole, not just about Alaska,” one told AFP. “And she criticized Obama a lot but offered no solutions.”

Think Progress:

A US delegate leaving early with a colleague said: “it was awful, we couldn’t stand it any longer.”

Wall Street Journal:

Melvin Goodé, a property consultant who attended Palin’s speech, was interviewed about Palin’s speech by the Wall Street Journal. When asked how he thought she did, he “shrugged his shoulders…[and] said that she generally did all right, given that she ‘wasn’t supposed to know anything about the continent.’”

The GOP is chock full of embarrassment, but considering Sarah Palin is considered some sort of leader, even their 2012 savior, that is just so American, don’t ya know? Say it ain’t so, Joey Joe Joe.


Right Wing Blogger Fantasizes About Beating Up Black Children In DC

September 18, 2009
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This is just hilarious.

Okay, set the scene:

Dan Reihl is some loser blogger (like me !) He was at the Tea Patriot March of the Retards on September 12, along with other white, retired losers from all over the country, protesting against Obama’s daily meetings with Satan.

So, he posted this blog about being on a train after the protest, and — look out! — BLACK KIDS got on. He posted about it.

Riding out of DC on the Metro, 9/12, there were some folks from South Dakota and also another Mid-West state I can’t recall in the same Metro car. We were talking, nothing special, really – politics, of course.

In the back were maybe ten or so black kids taking up that section of the car. There was no confrontation, just one or two of them talking loudly enough to make sure they’d be heard.

Without resorting to the poor diction it was along the lines of, these are the people who think Obama is the anti-Christ. That McCain he wasn’t chit. Obama’s going to be president as long as he wants, so these people better get used to it, etc. It went on but not really to a level that was so loud, or so confrontational that it needed to be addressed.

We just ignored them without much trouble at all.

Yeah, they were technically thugs. But the reality was they were still wannabes really, pretty young, not that big, or many. And if the several adults there for 9/12 actually needed to do something about it, the kids wouldn’t have lasted very long. Maybe if they were bigger, or more numerous, it might have been worse. Or it may not have happened at all. Who knows?

Dan, some things you just keep to yourself.

Charles Johnson at LGF had a hilarious take on the whole thing:

Now there’s true courage. If those black kids had tried something, Dan Riehl was ready. Man, he would have shown them.

Of course, they didn’t try anything. But the potential for serious violence was in the air! He could tell by their “poor diction.”

Oh no. That’s not racist at all.

I think Gawker was correct when they equated Glenn Beck to a terrorist and his minions of gullibles to al Qaeda in America. Yeah, that was true. But here’s another thing. It’s very clear from Dan’s blog that he rarely encounters black people. Imagine what it was like for him to wake up on November 5, realizing a black person was president. He and the Tea Patriots must have shit themselves. He’s still of the mindset that because these kids were sarcastically making fun of he and his Dakotans, they were a) “thugs” and b) ready to fight.

I mean, really?

That’s why you see these all-cap internet commenters, who are generally 10-20 years behind everyone else, rant on boards about how all Democrats are on welfare and want handouts — they just don’t know any better. That’s why Joe The Plumber is their hero, or something. He was an unemployed loser who had aspirations of being a rich guy through “hard work.” But, clearly, that never happened. Joe The Plumber was actually more concerned with telling his life story to a ghost writer and posing for a picture in front of an American flag than “hard work.” I mean, God bless him, he’s one of the people Glenn Beck talks about when he fools his audience into thinking they would all be rich if the Democrats would just stop with the taxes. Joe actually got rich by doing what Beck’s audience does: Nothing.

What’s also interesting is what follows in Reihl’s blog:

But what’s unfortunately becoming increasingly clear is that, for the people who thought Obama’s election would make America post-racial? I’m afraid you’re wrong. Some of the potential racial narratives that may still play out during his presidency might not be that pretty at all.

Okay, first of all, no one thought Obama’s election was going to make America “post-racial.” Post-racial is not possible as long as there are still people alive who lived through a “racial” time. There are still people living who tea-bagged against black students integrating into Arkansas schools. There are still veterans who served in a divided military, in which black soldiers were shipped to Europe and Japan at the bottom of ships while the white soldiers rode at the top. Shit, Rosa Parks just died three years ago.

It’s going to take decades before we’re anything close to “post-racial”, but that’s besides the point.

When was the last time a president-elect was blamed for a recession?

When was the last time a president was believed to be the actual anti-Christ by over 30 percent of Republicans living in a blue state (where, supposedly, Republicans are more moderate)?

When was the last time a president’s birth place was debated?

I mean, Fox News and their ilk pretend to believe white Christians are prosecuted in America, which is close to the dumbest thing ever said by anyone, ever.

We’re not further away from being “post-racial” because of anything Barack Obama did. We’re further from post-raciality because of the Tea Patriots and their conspiracy theories that could be — if they were willing to perceive being wrong — proven wrong with a 3-second internet search.

That’s my biggest problem. It takes 3 seconds. Type “Barack Obama birth certificate” into Google. Just do it. Go to any number of debunking websites. There are photos of people from the Annenberg Foundation in Hawaii, holding the birth certificate with their hands. But, yeah — they’re part of the conspiracy, right?

We can’t be post racial as long as ignorance is celebrated. And because of people like Dan Reihl and the Tea Patriots, it is.


Ted Nugent: Columnist

September 16, 2009
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lovegrenadespecial

Sometimes I read things and I think, what was I supposed to get out of that? Does anyone reading this think there was anything constructive in here?

Given, what I’m about to lay upon you is written by Ted Nugent, best known for one good song in the 70s, or something, and saying he was going to shove a gun up Hillary Clinton’s ass. In his newest column, he dislikes Michael Moore and his newest documentary, “Capitalism: A Love Story”:

No one I know will be giving Mikey any money to further encourage his Three Stooges logic and anti-American ideologies by paying to see this nonsense.  Actually, no one I know would be dumb enough to sit through it. (Ok, some people I know would, but they all work for NBC or the New York Times.)

HAHAHA! The New York Times and NBC are liberal so they are dumb enough to sit through Michael Moore’s movie! Who does Ted Nugent know who works for these companies?

What Moore and his idol, President Obama, fail to understand is that soaking the rich with higher taxes ultimately equates to middle class jobs disappearing, the very Americans ol’ Mikey claims to care about.  One of these days the economic numbskulls amongst us will figure that out.  If not, they will go through life feeding on table scraps instead of steak.

What?

Ultimately, those who rail against capitalism are people who claim they need to be babysat, bailed out and subsidized. They are either uneducated, ignorant, unskilled, scared or — for any number of reasons — fatalists accepting to be ill equipped to compete in the economic arena where the entrepreneurial dust is swirling and the sweat of excellence is flying unabated.

Instead of complimenting those who do compete in the economic arena, Moore, Obama and others of their ilk condemn and chastise the entrepreneurs instead of complimenting them. Mikey is czar of Bizzarro world.

So, yeah. Ted Nugent.

Sorry.


PHONY OUTRAGE ALERT: Mark Levin’s Stupid Book Using Scary Buzzwords

September 16, 2009
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levin-beckel

The new phony outrage coming from the right is that Mark Levin’s book, “Liberty and Tyranny,” which predictably features the troll author on the cover standing in front of a — get this! — American flag, has sold 1,000,000 copies but hasn’t been reviewed by the New York Times or the Washington Post. Therefore, these papers are liberal. (Yawn.)

From CNS News:

Despite Liberty and Tyranny’s tremendous sales and high ranking on the Times’ best seller list, the Times itself has never reviewed the book, only giving it a few blurbs in its ‘Inside the List” feature that runs in the Sunday edition.

The Washington Post has also never reviewed the book.

Here’s the problem. One of the ways the right gets their fanatical ideas out into the mainstream is through their book clubs. Right wing billionaires fund these “conservative book clubs”, buy a shit ton of books, then sell them to book club members for .50. Technically, then, the books have been sold. Then, since they’re sold, the media has to pay attention to them, no matter how goofy, stupid, and, just wrong.

Has anyone ever listened to Mark Levin? He sounds like the angriest circuis clown. Like, a total psycho path.


The Homicidal, Genocidal, Suicidal Ayn Rand: The New Right’s Hero

September 16, 2009
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ayn_rand_stamp

Leave it up to the right wingers to find the hip, new trend in novel writing: AYN RAND!

That’s right, the most boring, narcissistic novelist of all time has been making a comeback amongst the retirees and unemployed losers who hate the guy who’s trying to get them a job.

Tim Wise breaks it down in a must-read Daily Kos diary.

Service, according to the gospel of Limbaugh, is for suckers, for society’s “losers,” for people who have committed crimes. In other words, it should be viewed as punishment rather than as something to be applauded and encouraged. To do for community is a fool’s errand.

Yet as bizarre as his words may seem at first blush, they actually illustrate with bold clarity the fundamental (and increasingly common) core of the conservative belief system. They speak to the sociopathy that is at the heart of the far-right worldview. It is a worldview that holds, quite simply, that doing for others is contemptible; that doing for self is the purpose of human life; that altruism and service are somehow pathologies pushed by collectivists and should be subordinated to selfishness and greed.

Sound too extreme? Well if so, consider this. Among the most interesting phenomena of the past year–and especially since the inauguration of Barack Obama–has been the explosion of interest in (and sales of) books by the late author, Ayn Rand: most prominently her classic novels, The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. Indeed, the latter had an all-time record year in 2008, and 2009 sales are on a pace to shatter even last year’s numbers.

According to the Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights, sales of the monstrosity “Atlas Shrugged” reached an all time high of 200,000 copies sold in 2008. Keep in mind most conservatives don’t read because they’re very busy not working and watching Glenn Beck at 5pm.

“Americans are flocking to buy and read ‘Atlas Shrugged’ because there are uncanny similarities between the plot-line of the book and the events of our day” said Yaron Brook, Executive Director at the Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights. “Americans are rightfully concerned about the economic crisis and government’s increasing intervention and attempts to control the economy. Ayn Rand understood and identified the deeper causes of the crisis we’re facing, and she offered, in ‘Atlas Shrugged,’ a principled and practical solution consistent with American values.”

Wise runs down the values of Rand:

Rand’s disdain for the bulk of humanity was, indeed, so extreme that in the aforemetioned Atlas Shrugged–whose main character and “hero” John Galt has been referenced on numerous tea party signs–she indulges a pseudo-genocidal fantasy, in which virtually everyone except Galt and his few “perfect” producers is vanquished. This happy occurrence results from a “strike of the mind,” in which Galt and his superior colleagues of industry withdraw their talents from the nation and hole up in a mountain retreat, rather than submit to things like government regulations. Those whom Galt condemns in the book, and thus, whom Rand is herself condemning, are referred to as “parasites” who are unworthy of life. Indeed, Galt’s contempt for the weak of the world prompts he and his colleagues to banish the word “give” from their small utopian “gulch.” Giving, after all, much like calls for community service, is for suckers.

He goes on to describe Ayn Rand’s literary love affair with a psychopathic real-life murderer, William Edward Hickman. Her reason:

She indeed critiqued those who would condemn Hickman’s actions for having committed “worse sins and crimes,” such as those she ascribed to his jury. Among those “greater” crimes–greater than mutilating a child–she included being, “Average, everyday, rather stupid looking citizens. Shabbily dressed, dried, worn looking little men. Fat, overdressed, very average, ‘dignified’ housewives.” Their ordinariness, in other words, placed them below Hickman, in Rand’s mind. “How can they decide the fate of that boy? Or anyone’s fate?” she implored in her Journals.

That, and his complete disregard for everyone else. That’s really good, according to Randian values.

So, here’s the thing: When rightists say they’re against Obama’s “Day Of Service” on 9/11, it’s not because he’s desicrating 9/11 (because they don’t care about 9/11; snotty New Yorkers died, remember?), it’s because they think service is socialism. Any time you do anything for anyone at any time, it’s bad because you’re not getting paid for it. And in a capitalist country, you get paid for things you do, with paper money backed by nothing besides consumer confidence, as long as that lasts.

Rush Limbaugh recently ranted against the Day of Service, saying only prisoners should have to perform service (keep in mind, no one is being required to perform anything), because it is generally a bad thing. Punishment.

Ayn Rand’s idea of serving humanity by hating humanity and her homicidal fantasies about incinerating the poor and lazy, that’s not considered weird to the Tea Patriots. That’s why, when they try to mock liberals on their internet comment boards, they don’t say “I disagree with you on said policy for said reasons,” they say, “WEN UR DONE COLLECTING WELFARE AND DRAINING THIS COUNTRY OF ITS MONEY BC YOUR LAZY COME TALK TO ME LIBTARDO!!!1”

WATCH:


UPDATED: No School Student Has Ever Been Beaten Up Before

September 15, 2009
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druWHITE STUDENT!!!!!!

DO YOU KNOW WHY????

BARACH HUSSEIN SOERETOOOOO OBAMZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

socialism.

UPDATE: Gawker explains Matt Drudge’s obsession with angry black people now that we have an angry black Hitlerian in office.


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