American Shorts

New GOP Website, Losers

October 14, 2009
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In celebration of the berating that’s gone on in the name of the Repubicans’ new shitty, shitty website, I’m going to add my two cents. Because, shit, that shit’s funny.

First off, as so many people brought up today, Michael Steele’s blog on the site, is actually called What Up. And this is the first line:

The Internet has been around a while, now. But, I still find it an amazing platform for innovation, not just in technology, but in life.

Thanks, Mikey. I never thought of it that way. The internet has been around for a while! ButOH NOESSS!!!! Steele, after a day of pure ridicule, changed the name of his blog to “Change the Game.” Get it? Basketball.

Change the game you can believe in hope. But, yeah:

steelewhatupLoser.

Steele defended himself today, too. Let’s see what he had to say.

The GOP is also pretty hip these days. They have young people. And as Steele says, the internet is a life innovation thing. So much so, you can look at porn whenever you want, and judge people freely without others knowing your name. So.

Here are the new people of the GOP.

fat dudeSome fat guy.

sort of hot chickA girl who will be hot in a few years.

gross chickOpen your eyes, honey. We want to make sure you know you’re taking a picture for a Republican website.

doctor chickShe can take my temperature whenever she wants. You know what I’m talking about, right? Right? (Intercourse.)

pretty hot girl, blondeHer too. It’s never too late for nursing school.

So. Here’s the other thing. They have this list of people who are, apparently, Republican heroes. Of course, they include black people. Because black people were in favor of the Republican party before 1963. WHAT UP!

Here’s one. Jackie Robinson (with a stretched out face):

jackie robinsonAs Think Progress notes:

Misnaming Jackie Robinson A GOP ‘Hero’: The RNC tries to portray the party as diverse on its GOP ‘Heroes’ page (even though there is currently only one non-Hispanic minority serving as a Republican in the House and the Senate and only two percent of blacks identify as Republican), with people of color making up almost half the list. However, one of the people listed as a “great Republican” is baseball legend Jackie Robinson, who actually identified himself as an independent. In fact, Robinson spoke out about the “hatred” he saw at the 1964 GOP convention, where Barry Goldwater won the nomination. He called it “one of the most unforgettable and frightening experiences of my life.”

I don’t like the term “Epic Fail,” mostly because I don’t know how people started saying it. I can probably look it up on the internet somewhere — after all, it’s been around a while now — but I won’t.

Don’t worry, Michael, GOP,

funny-pictures-cat-is-here-for-you

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If I had Twitter…

October 8, 2009
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My update would say this:

Is going 2 Phillies gam n’ has 2 B in prkng lot by noon – no pnt in going 2 slp now!

I dont know if you can use photos on Twitter.

phillies1


Red State (dot) (com) Intellectual Photo Essay

October 8, 2009
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Over at wingnut website Red State (where editor and fat douchebag Erick Erickson is still calling safe school czar Kevin Jennings the statutory rape czar because of a case in which a 16-year-old in Massachusetts may have had sex with an adult under Jennings’ watch, and Jennings may have known about it; unfortunately, in Massachusetts, you’re legal at 16 and Jennings was legally bound to not say anything) there’s an unbelievably hilarious photo diary, in which user jiynnr compares Obama (the Arab) to General McChrystal (whom most conservatives learned about a week ago and only like because its in their caricature to do so.)

Basically, the anonymous user has created a series of pictures representing what Obama does, then representing what McChrystal does. Turn up your dumbness factor for this one:

obamasworkenvironmentObama gets drunk all day, at work. He’s a raging alcoholic.

obamasenemyTerrorists are not Obama’s enemy. The United States of America is. He decided to run for president so he could bound and torture his enemy, America.

mccrystals menobamasmenHow are the black panthers Obama’s men? I’m pretty sure this one is just racist.

obamalettermanWhile the troops talk to Afghanis, the president hangs out with David Letterman (WHO CHEATED ON HIS WIFE).

Anyway, it goes on and is at least as stupid the whole time.

So.

I think this might be a fun thing to do, too.

President Obama’s job:

President.

Jiynnr’s job:

Maintaining mom’s basement.

President Obama’s yearly salary:

$400,000.

jiynnr’s salary:

Free lunch and dinner. Brow beatings from father. (“Why don’t you get a job, son? You’re 40.”)

President Obama’s wife:

Hot.

Jiynnr’s wife:

Made of plastic (probably.)

President Obama’s favorite game:

Being president. (Basketball during the downtime.)

Jiynnr’s favorite game:

World of Warcraft/Magic/Dungeons and Dragons (probably.)

President Obama’s daily decisions:

How to prosecute the wars in Afghanistan/Iraq. Work on health care reform. Deal with dictators and Republicans. Stop terror on American soil. Work on fixing the economy. Make America a good place again.

Jiynnr’s daily decisions:

Rainbow or chocolate sprinkles?

UPDATE:

Here’s what Red State users commented:

redneck_hippie: Recommended – especially the final picture showing that which is quintessentially Obama: a water sprite or nymph with no connection to earth-bound reality.

Coldwarrior: Stud versus girlie man.

Thank you.

ColdWarrior


Afghanistan: Worthless

October 5, 2009
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It’s gotta be said. One of the lasting negative effects of the Bush administration is the useless, worthless war in Afghanistan. It, like Iraq, was a bizarre, yet useful, re-election effort on behalf of the Bush administration. And, like LBJ before him, Obama seems to not know when to just pack up and leave the impossible conquest.

When you see shit like this on right-wing websites, you got to know something’s up.

afghanistan

10 troops? When was the last time Drudge posted a headline about 10 dead troops in Iraq?

A process is beginning. This process will take place over the next several months — perhaps a year. Obama will do whatever he thinks needs to be done in Afghanistan, which he falsely calls a “war of necessity.” As evidenced by the right wing simultaneous joyous jig when the the United States didn’t get picked for the Olympics, the right will celebrate anything that goes against what Barack Obama wants. As RedState Editor and douchebag Erick Erickson wrote today, “I root for America, therefore I root against Barack Obama.”

Pretend or not, the mindset actually goes, whatever Barack Obama does, America should be the opposite.

So, no matter what he does in Afghanistan, it’s going to be bad to them. He sends in all the troops McChrystal wants, they exploit the deaths and supposed “tactical errors.” He doesn’t give enough, they say he’s anti-military and they exploit the deaths. He pulls out, he hates America.

That’s why the only choice is to pull out. This war was birthed based on politics, not necessity. The radical, loony right wing is going to believe Barack Obama hates America and was born in Kenya no matter what, because they are psychopaths. He might as well not let more Americans and Afghanis needlessly die because of it. afghanistan2

After all, with rumors that David Petraeus will be running for office in 2012, he might as well begin the attempt toward what we’ve wanted all along: an anti-militarism policy; the admission that all American military ventures, save World War II (maybe) have been meaningless and useless, based on manufactured lies and the ability to mass slaughter people who look different.

Obama, we all know you’ve read the radical intellectuals. You know shit. You know what should be done. So, just do it. Pull the fuck out. Military ventures historically destroy democratic presidencies and world leaders look weak when they say something they don’t totally believe in, which you do when you argue in favor of violence.

Mr. President, please, pull the fuck out.


Potential War With Iran?

October 2, 2009
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Um, why do I have to read this story at Fox Nation, the internet’s worst website?

Obama said Iran must grant international inspectors “unfettered” access to its newly disclosed nuclear facility within two weeks.

This shit is fucked. I mean, really? Obama might use force against Iran?

I’m not that worried because, you can tell just by the way he speaks on such matters, that he really doesn’t want to. (The main reason for that is that there’s no reason to. Case closed.)

Iran, for all its rhetoric, is a peaceful country. I realize it’s in the middle east, and the middle east is bad, but come on — what has Iran done?

All the talk about Iranians training al Qaeda — unfounded. All the shit about I’m a Dinner Jacket inciting a Holocaust or something — based on nothing. And now we’re scared they’re going to build a nuclear bomb? Think about that. “A nuclear bomb.” One.

Iran building a bomb means nothing. There are plenty of countries throughout the world with bombs. They know that if they used these bombs, their countries would cease to exist because then the United States would have a real reason — backed up by everyone — to use our own bombs.

Why isn’t this being reported on the liberal blogs, or even news sites. No talk of it on Think Progress, Huffington Post or Crooks and Liars. Something needs to be said about the priorities of those whose “guy” is in power. I mean, liberal blogs are advertising T-shirts now saying “Respect the president.” Really? Do you wear that in rotation with your Che T-shirts?

As much as the radical right has been going nuts, pushing the same conspiracies they railed against during the Bush years, the left has really gotten in line here. I’m probably at least partially guilt of that. I mean, I like the guy. I want him to do awesome. I want America to be great. And in so doing, I’ve probably blown off lots of legitimate concerns by the right — even if most of the concerns are conspiracies that have to do with an innate hatred based on…lots of things.ShahNuclearPlants

For once, I think at least, Infowars might be right.

I thought Bush and Cheney wanted war with Iran, after they released that stupid speed boat video, and Bush used to claim I’m a Dinner Jacket was ready to bomb Israel, but Obama definitely doesn’t want to. And let’s be perfectly clear here. Iran has been building nuclear reactors since the 70s — the United States actually encouraged the Shah, our puppet, to do so.

I mean, I’m sorry the elections didn’t work out over there — but in 2000, they didn’t work out here, either. Shit happens. I’m glad people protested against their government over there, but that shouldn’t be used as a potential added excuse — as it could be — to commit genocide across what is a pretty up-to-date middle eastern country. If anything, the protests are a reason not to do anything — they’re fine. They practice free speech and seem to be allowed to do so, at least on some scale.

I just “hope” Obama doesn’t go the way of LBJ with this shit.


Alan Grayson: The Newest (and only) Badass of the Democratic Congress

October 1, 2009
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I wasn’t sure about this guy when I first read of the uproar.

But he’s a total badass. If you haven’t seen it yet, watch this:

He was called onto apologize. He didn’t:

Democrats need more people like this. He’s a first-term congressman, and he’s all like, “I didn’t know this shit was so fucked before I got here. But now I do. And because of that, I’m gonna fuck you bitches up.”

Republicans aren’t sure how to deal with him, because, basically, he’s not speaking professionally. On CNN today, he called Republicans who oppose health reform, “knuckle draggers” and “neanderthals.” I mean, awesome! That’s what the fuck they are.

He can accuse other politicians of taking money from the health industry because he clearly hasn’t had enough time to do so. And he’s totally right, by the way. The Republicans have no plan. All they have are empty promises of bipartisanship through doing nothing and letting more Americans die due to lack of health care.

This is something we should all remember, and I think it might have the potential to change the debate:

According to this study, “Health Insurance and Mortality in U.S. Adults” which was published two weeks ago, 44,789 Americans die every year because they have no health insurance. That’s right, 44,789 Americans die every year, according to this Harvard study called “Health Insurance and Mortality in U.S. Adults.” You can see it by going to our website, grayson.house.gov.

That is more than ten times the number of Americans who have died in the war in Iraq. It’s more than ten times the number of Americans who died in 9/11. But that was just once: this is every single year. That’s right: every single year.

More than 44,000. Why should we allow that to happen? This is the motherfucking United States, not the Soviet Union. And keep in mind the 44,000 number is just the “deaths.” We’re not talking about injuries and the loss of jobs due to time off work — or bankruptcies due to medical bills, for that matter.

It would be a great time in America if this guy, a freshman congressman from Orlando, could change the debate due to real, hard facts and numbers. However, the right has been able to change the debate several times but ignoring numbers and throwing the word “death” around as much as possible. People generally have more faith in phony outrage entertainment actors and freakshows on cable news who used to make livings haunting the wives of their shock jock rivals through threatening and insulting phone calls, making fun of things like miscarriages.

“A couple days after Kelly’s wife, Terry, had a miscarriage, Beck called her live on the air and says, ‘We hear you had a miscarriage,’ ” remembers Brad Miller, a former Y95 DJ and Clear Channel programmer. “When Terry said, ‘Yes,’ Beck proceeded to joke about how Bruce [Kelly] apparently can’t do anything right — about he can’t even have a baby.”

That’s what that’s about.

We all need to keep in mind that once the debate shifts to freakshow, it can only get more freakshow and fucked. Mindless drones and gargoyles like Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck control the debate for a certain amount of idiotic Americans who believe these cowards have something constructive to say through their acting and (in the case of Palin), it’s hard to tell what else. Bulldoggedness?

Alan Grayson even posted a blog on DailyKos. It, too, is awesome.

And now the Republicans claim they are going to introduce a resolution “disapproving” of my behavior.

What is this, junior high school?  Do they think my feelings are hurt?  Just what do these people think health care means?  It’s not some abstract “issue”, we’re talking about life and death!  And the Republicans, who ran the government in full or in part from 2001-2009, chose to let those 44,000 people die, every single year when they were in power.  And George W. Bush, whom the Republicans somehow pretend was not President for the last eight years, just let them die.  He even vetoed health care for poor children.

So apologize?  I don’t think so.

That’s fucking rockstar.