American Shorts

Dick Cheney: Loved by Idiots

December 21, 2009
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While adding to the pile of human excrement that is the Republican party, Human Events has decided to literally write a joke about itself.

Dick Cheney.

What has he done? Nothing, really. Just decide to start talking and act like an asshole. I mean, okay. I get it. Conservatives like and are assholes! That’s how they rule, and that’s why their supporters call themselves “real Americans” and are still whining about losing the Civil and Vietnam wars.

Can you imagine the mind of someone who thinks of him or herself as “more American” than someone else? That’s serious mental illness.

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Afghanistan: Not Cool and Awesome

September 25, 2009
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Pat Buchanan, for all his Hitler-defending psychotics, has a really good piece regarding a withdrawal of Afghanistan at Human Events.

Under Taliban control, Afghanistan would be a sanctuary for the Pakistani Taliban, which would be emboldened to settle scores with the Islamabad politicians who had sided with the United States.

Taliban allies in the Pakistan army and intelligence services would be seen as on the wise and winning side, while those who sided with America would be seen as losers. The odds would rise that Pakistan would face a revived insurgency and acts of terror against the regime. The odds on the survival of a pro-American regime in a country already marinated in anti-Americanism would fall.

It sort of sucks, what started out as a George W. Bush re-election campaign, could end up being the fall of the west, at least according to this article. I personally don’t think Afghanistan is anything like Vietnam, considering there’ve been less than 1,000 American deaths in Afghanistan. Sure, both countries are unconquerable (according to history), but we leave Afghanistan, it’s not going to be that bad for us. There’ll be some kind of compromise where we just drop massive bombs on God knows who from mile-high drone planes. No harm done.

David Brooks has a similar, albeit less apocalyptic, opinion in the New York Times:

To put it concretely, this is a doctrine in which small groups of American men and women are outside the wire in dangerous places in remote valleys, providing security, gathering intelligence, helping to establish courts and building schools and roads.

These are the realistic choices for America’s Afghanistan policy — all out or all in, surrender the place to the Taliban or do armed nation-building. And we might as well acknowledge that it’s not an easy call. The costs and rewards are tightly balanced. But in the end, President Obama was right: “You don’t muddle through the central front on terror. … You don’t muddle through stamping out the Taliban.”

Everything’s fucked.


Conservatives Now Care About Hippies Protesting

September 25, 2009
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Drudge linked to a YouTube video expressing shock that “acoustic weapons” are “unleashed” on American soil.

I’m sorry, would we rather the police beat the shit out of these people with nightsticks?

In conclusion, who gives a fuck?


Levi Johnston: Too Sad For A Headline

September 3, 2009
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What is with Levi Johnston?

Gail Collins quirkily reports/editorializes:

Besides selling a fantasy about how easily a semi-delinquent, unemployed father-to-be could be turned into Prince Charming, Palin also spent her campaign trying to give the impression that running for vice president and taking care of five children, the youngest a baby with special needs, was as easy as falling off a snowbank. Politicians who don’t want the federal government to address child care issues like to imagine that’s true. It absolves them from dealing with the question of who takes care of the kids when women make up almost half the work force.

So it would be helpful to know if Palin was “always in a bad mood and she was stressed out a lot,” as Johnston claims. But really, we’re going to have to wait for a more reliable witness. Maybe Piper or Willow are preparing their memoirs.

Levi and Bristol split up last spring, a few months after the birth of their baby. (“It was the happiest day of my life, but it was also terrible because my family couldn’t be there,” he writes. “I didn’t think Sarah wanted my mom around all the cameras because she had been arrested for selling prescription medication a week and a half earlier.”) The Palins have accused him of trying to cash in on his relationship to the former vice presidential candidate, and we can add this to a very brief list titled “Sarah’s Accurate Depictions of the World Around Her.”

This kid is now writing articles for Vanity Fair, and he’s the only one not in on the joke. Levi, have you ever seen a reality TV show? It’s not about who wins the date with Bret Michaels in the end. It’s about who can humiliate herself the most while doing it.

Levi, I want you to have this backstage pass.


Idaho: Hunt The Black

August 28, 2009
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We all know how manly it is to go into the woods with another dude, wear a combination of camouflage and neon orange, drink beers, sleep under the stars, wake up, compare penis size, and kill animals with guns.

Rex Rammell is running for governor of Idaho in 2010.

From Huffington Post:

When an audience member shouted a question about “Obama tags,” Rammell responded, “The Obama tags? We’d buy some of those.” …

Rammell told The Associated Press Thursday he sees no reason to apologize for the comment because it was just a joke.

“What I would say to all my Democrat Idahoans: Take a deep breath and relax,” he said. “We’re not going to go out and hunt Obama.”

He also told the Times-News newspaper, “I would never support him being assassinated.”

Whew. That was close. Good thing he would never support an assassination. But, I mean, if it happened…right?