American Shorts

New GOP Website, Losers

October 14, 2009
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In celebration of the berating that’s gone on in the name of the Repubicans’ new shitty, shitty website, I’m going to add my two cents. Because, shit, that shit’s funny.

First off, as so many people brought up today, Michael Steele’s blog on the site, is actually called What Up. And this is the first line:

The Internet has been around a while, now. But, I still find it an amazing platform for innovation, not just in technology, but in life.

Thanks, Mikey. I never thought of it that way. The internet has been around for a while! ButOH NOESSS!!!! Steele, after a day of pure ridicule, changed the name of his blog to “Change the Game.” Get it? Basketball.

Change the game you can believe in hope. But, yeah:


Steele defended himself today, too. Let’s see what he had to say.

The GOP is also pretty hip these days. They have young people. And as Steele says, the internet is a life innovation thing. So much so, you can look at porn whenever you want, and judge people freely without others knowing your name. So.

Here are the new people of the GOP.

fat dudeSome fat guy.

sort of hot chickA girl who will be hot in a few years.

gross chickOpen your eyes, honey. We want to make sure you know you’re taking a picture for a Republican website.

doctor chickShe can take my temperature whenever she wants. You know what I’m talking about, right? Right? (Intercourse.)

pretty hot girl, blondeHer too. It’s never too late for nursing school.

So. Here’s the other thing. They have this list of people who are, apparently, Republican heroes. Of course, they include black people. Because black people were in favor of the Republican party before 1963. WHAT UP!

Here’s one. Jackie Robinson (with a stretched out face):

jackie robinsonAs Think Progress notes:

Misnaming Jackie Robinson A GOP ‘Hero’: The RNC tries to portray the party as diverse on its GOP ‘Heroes’ page (even though there is currently only one non-Hispanic minority serving as a Republican in the House and the Senate and only two percent of blacks identify as Republican), with people of color making up almost half the list. However, one of the people listed as a “great Republican” is baseball legend Jackie Robinson, who actually identified himself as an independent. In fact, Robinson spoke out about the “hatred” he saw at the 1964 GOP convention, where Barry Goldwater won the nomination. He called it “one of the most unforgettable and frightening experiences of my life.”

I don’t like the term “Epic Fail,” mostly because I don’t know how people started saying it. I can probably look it up on the internet somewhere — after all, it’s been around a while now — but I won’t.

Don’t worry, Michael, GOP,