American Shorts

UPDATED: No School Student Has Ever Been Beaten Up Before

September 15, 2009
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druWHITE STUDENT!!!!!!

DO YOU KNOW WHY????

BARACH HUSSEIN SOERETOOOOO OBAMZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

socialism.

UPDATE: Gawker explains Matt Drudge’s obsession with angry black people now that we have an angry black Hitlerian in office.


Girl Scouts Now Acting As Nazi Death Squads

September 15, 2009
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Obama_Poster_Hitler_Yesweca

In the 1930s, a man named Hitler rose to power. No one knew much about him, except that he’d come from a church with a crazy preacher, but people generally ignored it. Hitler also was fathered by a man he never knew, and his mother moved around a lot.

Later in life, Hitler wrote books about his life which involved “dreams” of his long lost “father.” Upon his rise, Hitler promised the German people things like “universal health care” and an “end” to “wars.” He also banked on the German people believing his campaign slogan: “Change.” Some wondered if Hitler were really born in Germany, asking Hitler to show his birth certificate, but Hitler said no because people who ask that question are stupid.

In addition to this, Hitler had a girlfriend named Eva Braun, which, in American, translates to “Michelle.” What makes things even stranger is that in the old testament of the Bible (which Hitler claimed to read, though everyone knew he was actually a secret Hindu), there’s a passage in which the word “Hitler” is translated to “Satan.”

People followed Hitler everywhere he went and cheered at his speeches. They held German flags. Children were mesmerized by Hitler, too. They were called Hitler Youth. There was a small group called the League of German Girls, young women who did everything Hitler told them to do.

Hitler staged a fire and blamed it on Polish communists, his enemy (even though communists and fascists are the same.) He then murdered millions and millions in the name of a world government, headed by the United Nations (which was Hitler’s plan) and spoke of being a “citizen of the world”, not a “citizen of Germany”. There were scores of patriotic Germans who protested against Hitler, correctly saying his universal health care system was going to kill their grandmothers and that he was the anti-Christ. First, those protesters were dismissed as loons. Then they were murdered by the Hitler “Hope and Change” government, and armed guards who had originally volunteered to join what was then called Stadt Jahr, or, translated for English: “City Year.” When the protesters said, no, you can’t kill us, Hitler responded with one of his campaign slogans: “Yes We Can.”

Infowars:

US Girl Scouts prepare for war, pestilence

The United States wants to enlist its 3.4 million Girl Scouts in the effort to combat hurricanes, pandemics, terror attacks and other disasters. The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) launched a campaign Tuesday to entice the blue, brown and green-clad multitudes to be even more prepared, with the promise of a new patch if they pitch in.

“This new preparedness patch will increase citizen preparedness and enhance our country’s readiness for disasters,” said DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano in a statement. Girl Scouts of the USA chief executive Kathy Cloninger said the tie up with Citizen Corps “provides an opportunity for our girls to lead the way in ensuring that their families and their communities are prepared for emergencies.”

But this should give you some “comfort”:

It is not the first time the girl guides have been called into action in defense of the homeland. During World War II, Girl Scouts “operated bicycle courier services, invested more than 48,000 hours in Farm Aid projects, collected fat and scrap metal, and grew Victory Gardens,” according to Girl Scouts of the USA.

It’s nice to know that the United States now has its own version of Hitler’s League of German Girls program.


The Wingnuts Are Going To Complain About This, Too

September 15, 2009
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kanye_west

I personally think the Kanye West-Beyonce-Taylor Something controversy at last night’s MTV award show was a staged publicity stunt in order to boost all their careers.

But, for the sake of argument, let’s say it wasn’t. Then, this is true:

Obama: Kanye West Is A ‘Jackass’

And, uh, ABC? Yeah, way to live up to your journalistic standards, printing something a United States President said to you off the record.

Related: Cracked: What If Kanye West Is Retarded?


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